Insecurities vs. Friendship By Lt Commander Sara Kaelyre & Lt Telsia Ehling Telsia frowned and looked at the ground. Her not trusting Josh did say a lot but she was wondering if it said a lot about herself or a lot about Josh. ?I?m really worried about Josh and I, Sara, what do I do?? She felt desperate and alone. Moving out from behind her desk, Sara motioned towards the couch in her office. She was in a really odd place at the moment. A friend was opening up to her about her relationship, seeking advice and a shoulder to cry on. The problem is that her friends was engaged and having problems with one of her Ex?s. "I can?t tell you what you should do, Tel. I can tell you that one of the things I?ve learned over the past three years with Cyanah is that a strong foundation in any relationship can?t just be made of only love, there has to be trust as well." ?To be honest, I?m scared to trust,? Tel followed Sara to the couch and sat down. ?What if he leaves me again Sara? I couldn?t handle that, it nearly killed me the first time to watch him go and know I was pregnant with his child, I couldn?t bear it if he left again because this time he knows about his son and his son knows him.? Leaning forward, she rested her head in her hands. ?I?m so full of fears and ?what ifs? I feel some days like I just can?t function because of them.? "Wanna know what else I figured out?" Sara asked as she looked over at her friend. She got a very slight nod. "You have to have a pretty good level of security and trust in yourself before you can have those things with your partner, Tel. I had to do a lot of growing up in the beginning before my relationship could go away where. I needed to get past at lot of insecurities." Sara laughed lightly. "Not that I?m completely without insecurities." Telsia laughed lightly along with Sara, everything she was saying was making sense. A lot of insecurities had been built up in Tel, due to her many dysfunctional relationships, like the one with her mom, her first one with Josh, her husband Eric and now her new relationship with Josh. It was time for Telsia to grow up and she knew that, she could no longer rely on other people to handle her insecurities; she needed to do it herself. ?What your saying makes sense, I think I need to do some spring cleaning of the soul and get rid of some of these nasty insecurities and bricks.? Sara nodded. She glad she was helping. She didn?t like seeing her friends upset. "You?ll find that once your ok with yourself it?ll be easier to deal with things in between you and Josh. Though it?s still going to be difficult. I mean I had a hard time going to Cy with some of my resent fears." ?Wait, I need to go to Josh with this stuff?? Tel asked, suddenly feeling some anxiety. "There?s a reason they call it sharing your life with someone." Sara said softly. "You should feel comfortable enough to open up to them, but you have to be comfortable with yourself first." Sara bit her lip a little as she tried to think. "I know that can be a scary thing, Tel, sometimes it takes a little push from Cy to get me to open up, but the important thing is that I can. I trust her completely with everything I am, and that can be a very hard and variable thing." Tel nodded but she was still feeling very unsure about talking to Josh, he always seemed so stressed and busy and anytime she tired to talk, it seemed like he would brush her off or wouldn?t want to listen. So Telsia had gotten into the pattern of keeping things inside. ?I guess I could try and talk to him, I?m just going to try to catch him on a good day but I will make an attempt.? Sara bit her lip a little harder before replying. "Tel. If you wait until you find a ?good day? your going to be waiting a while, and that won?t help you feel less unhappy." For a moment, Telsia wondered how Sara got to be so smart but then she nodded and knew that she really did just need to listen to her and talk to Josh, that would be the only way for her to ever find true happiness. ?Okay Sara, I?ll stop making excuses not to do it and I?ll just do it,? Tel smiled at her friend, glad that they had been able to create an open and honest friendship. "Once you start to feel stronger about yourself, Tel, you?ll see how much stronger you can be with the person your planning on spending the fifty plus years with." Sara said as she looked at Tel with a warm smile. "Had to learn that myself.. Still learning..." It felt good to know that someone else had been in her place before and was still going through it in some form. ?Thanks for listening and giving me some advice Sara, I really needed it.? Sara smiled. "It?s what friends are for, Tel." Tel smiled back, ?yeah, I?m still getting used to that idea to,? she laughed slightly, ?But I think it?s worth getting used to.? "It?s most certain worth it." Sara replied. "Why don?t you go a head and head out for the night. Go do something for yourself before picking up Cam." A small, secretive smile played across Tel?s lips as she thought of what she would do. ?Okay, thank you Sara, I promise to come back to work tomorrow very refreshed and my normal self.? Sara laughed. "Good, then maybe we can throw everyone off again by both of us coming in in good moods... Goodnight Tel." Tel left Sara?s office, laughing to herself at Sara?s joke and with the feeling that tomorrow would be a better day. ___________________________________________________________________ Speed up your surfing with Juno SpeedBand. Now includes pop-up blocker! Only $14.95/month -visit http://www.juno.com/surf to sign up today!