<USS Banshee> "In the Meaning of Dreams" Chp. 8
- From: "Brad Ruder" <GroundZero@xxxxxxxxxxxxx>
- To: ussbanshee@xxxxxxxxxxxxx
- Date: Tue, 25 Feb 2003 15:31:56 -0800
?In the Meaning of Dreams?
Chapter Eight ?
His mind was in a frenzy. Images from
his past haunted him, while words echoed from the grave of his
departed loved ones and kept sleep at bay. Throughout the ordeal of
his mother?s death, being assigned to the Banshee for that matter,
had led to many a nights suffering from insomnia. Returning to his
roots, the colony on Kessik IV, hadn?t even offered relief to his
The window was open, the air softly and
invisible filling the room with a cool current that aided in the
summertime weather the colony got. Josh lay on top of the sheets,
his hands clasped over his bare chest as him eyes stayed plastered to
the ceiling. Meditation had gotten him nowhere, and there wasn?t
much he could do without being in the security of his own quarters on
a ship away from it all.
Josh?s father had passed when he was
sixteen, and now his mother just after reconciling their difference
and bringing a soft and loving hand to his hard and hostile youth.
Josh remembered the feeling he had after he had signed off with a
heart-to-heart conversation he?d had with his mother just a week
before her untimely passing, and he recollected feeling so loved and
having everything finally going in his way.
Everything that he?d fought for, his mother and her
forgiveness had been stripped from him. To the bone. His emotions
were like millions of nerve endings exposed on his skin with every
passing person unsettling him. It was as if he had been stripped of
his clothing, pride, and prestige and placed in a room with hundreds
of people. He was on display, and the only thing he had to his
credit was his dignity that was hanging in the balance.
calmness of the night, the still of the wind and the silence of all
life as it seemed, was shattered by the almost inaudible hissing of a
door closing and resealing. Josh blinked his eyes, scanning his room
as his eyes adjusted to the darkness. Shadows lined the walls,
random objects were displaced, and his shirt was draped over a nearby
chair. Josh sat up, propping himself up on his elbows as he
struggled to focus his eyes.
Moonlight shined through the open
window and illuminated his room as his eyes finally managed to
receive images of what was really in the small confines. Just then
his eyes darted to window as the moonlight was displaced for a moment
as a figure started up the hill outside the residence. A silhouette
of a young boy was established on the tall hill, the head tilted
slightly to the sky, and the arms folded delicately across the
Pushing his sleepiness aside he stepped onto the floor,
his bare feet making harsh rustling sounds over the carpet. Josh
maneuvered down the corridor, his arms feeling inches ahead trying to
make sure no unnecessary sound was made. As the walls ended and the
room spread out into a large family room, Josh made sure the figure
was still on the peak of the mound staring aimlessly into the
Olivia, Josh?s sister, stood in the doorway watching
as well, and a look of concern had crossed her face that was even
evident in the dim moonlight. She had her robe tightened up close
around her, as if the warm temperature was too cold for her liking.
A tear was on her left cheek as Josh stepped up beside her and
whispered her name.
She didn?t flinch, just turned her
sorrowful face to meet his, ?He?s hurting, Joshua, and there isn?t a
thing that I can do for him.? She brushed the unwanted watery
passenger on her cheek into oblivion.
?There isn?t anything
that anyone can do, Olivia, it?s something that only passes in time.?
Josh placed a loving hand on her shoulder as he felt her shudder.
?You can help him, Joshua, you are the one with the key to
his inner emotions and trials. Go talk to him and try to explain
things.? She turned back to facing outside.
Shaking his head,
Josh stepped away. ?I don?t have any key, special influence, magical
powers, or divine inspiration, Olivia. I just don?t have it and the
only thing I can offer to him is a loving brother who knows that this
will all play out.?
Olivia snapped her eyes to his, a look of
discontent, frustration, and intimidation lining the iris and the
glowing green that was brought out from the limelight of the
celestial body in the sky. ?You will go out there and stop this. If
you don?t, no one will, and our brother will be doomed to an
existence of hatred, dissatisfaction, and completely
?Olivia, I can?t??
?Joshua, you?re not
listening, you are the only one that can persuade him that things get
better. I don?t want Jerrad to go through life an angry young man
whose sole purpose is to get away and avoid his problems.? Olivia
looked back towards the figure, now seated, on the grassy knoll
outside. ?I don?t want him to end up??
?Like me?? Josh
interrupted, finishing her sentence for her whether or not his
version was what she was trying to accomplish.
Turning back to
him, another tear emanating from his right cheek, Olivia shook her
head. ?No, that?s not it??
?Yes, it is.? Josh nodded, trying
to cover his hurt feelings. ?You don?t want him to flip out like I
did and end up like me.?
Olivia put a loving hand upon his
cheek, the touch of silk coming from her extremity. ?You?re a fine
young man, and it would be a wonder if most men ended up like you.
Joshua, you know that you?re an excellent officer and the prime
example for what young cadets should aspire to, but that doesn?t
matter with Jerrad ? he?s family.?
?He needs a strong person??
Josh tried to counter, but to no avail.
?No, he needs a
brother who is there to help and to talk to.?
out at his brother, obviously distraught, who sat there mourning the
loss of his beloved mother. He was on the border; Josh was, on
whether or not to take that fateful step to aid his troubled sibling.
Olivia?s eyes dived into his soul, telling him exactly what he should
do without the mass amounts of words and verbal
Taking a step into the grass, Josh felt the
breeze intensify on his naked torso. He rubbed his chest, some
pitiful attempt to secure warmth, and walked up the grassy slope to
his brother. Noticeable weeping could be heard as he reached the
summit. The stars, millions of little specks lining the midnight
sky, radiated the night with an impressive
Jerrad?s disheveled blonde hair was skewed to one
side, the front of his shirt almost matted to his chest from repeated
wipes of his teary eyes, and his hands trembled in anxiety and
depression. Josh sat down in the moist turf alongside of his
brother. He angled his own head to the skies and looked at the mass
of celestial bodies in the sky.
?How does it all work, Josh??
Jerrad spoke without moving his eyes.
?I don?t know, but we?re
pretty sure it started with the big bang.?
universe formation theories, Josh, I mean life.?
turning to his brother, ?That is something that no scientist has ever
proven, or will for that matter. Life is just one big mystery, and
the purpose of that mystery is equally mysterious. We just keep
reproducing and so on and so forth. It?s a cycle.?
wiped his eyes cleaned once again with his shirt, ?Death is the most
unfair part of that cycle.?
Nodding, Josh put an arm around
his brother?s shoulder, ?Although, it is one that everyone has to
face at one point or another. It?s inevitable.?
point in trying to delay the inevitable, is there?? Jerrad gazed
into his brother?s eyes. A look of pure innocence flowed from the
core of his eyes, sincere serenity occupying his very being.
?Well, if you can prevent the inevitable for a substantial
amount of time than it?s worth it, but otherwise ? no.? Josh tried
to sugarcoat the real answer, but it came out in a blur and a big let
down at the end, but Jerrad seemed undeterred.
Jerrad made a
sweeping motion, encompassing all the stars in space, and smiled.
?She?s out there, Josh, and I miss her so much. I wish I had just
one more day with her, one more hug, one more blessing from her, one
more of everything.?
?It?ll stay like that for awhile, I?m not
sure if the pain every completely goes away.? A pit formed in Josh?s
stomach as he tried in vain to hold in his own emotions. He built
internal walls of pride and dignity, but also with a sense of value
and superior inspiration that his little brother needed. ?It?ll
pass, but she?ll always be with you.?
?I know, but the pain is
so much it?s almost unbearable.?
?Been there.? Josh nodded
?We?ll move on, right??
?Josh, can I come and live with you in four years??
The question caught him off guard and he blinked a couple of
times trying to process the request. He looked at his brother, now
focused on a new task that was everything but mourning, and a look of
determination and seriousness creeping into his features. Josh
stumbled and mumbled a response, then rethought about it, then opened
his mouth again ? but only laughter came out.
Jerrad looked a
bit hurt as he lowered his head. ?I just want to have my family with
?What about Olivia?? Josh pulled his arm
?She?s always fussing over Hayden and making sure that
everything he wants is what he gets, I?ll just be the third wheel and
the brother that she wants nothing to with.? Jerrad made a valid
point; the couple was awfully into themselves and normally
disrespected everyone else.
Shaking his head he looked about
his surroundings, a world full of shadows. ?Olivia is worried about
you, that?s why I?m out here.?
?Does that mean that you don?t
want anything to do with me?? Jerrad would?ve made a good lawyer for
the Judge Advocate?s Corps, but a shy boy of eighteen would end up
Trying to avoid the trap that he?d led himself
into, Josh smiled. ?No, I?m just saying that four years is a long
way away and to worry about it then. What do you plan on doing
between now and then??
Jerrad stood and brushed the
collected dirt off his pants and wiped his eyes once again with his
cotton shirt. ?I?ve been accepted into the academy. I start this
Josh sprang to his feet, embracing his younger
brother in a hug of congratulations, laughter escaped both of their
lips ? all the while completely forgetting the mourning and the
horrible emotional feelings on the situation. ?Congratulations! I?m
so proud, and I?m sure that mom and dad would?ve been equally
?Thanks, I did it for them.?
would?ve wanted you to do it for you.?
?I know, but they
raised me and I want to show them that I?m a good son.?
are; you don?t need to prove anything to anybody. Just choose a
department and give it your all based on what you want to achieve.?
Josh put an arm around his brother?s shoulders again as they trudged
down the slope and back towards the living compound.
shrugged, ?I?ve already decided on a department.?
Jerrad beamed like he was his own sun. ?Security
Josh beamed himself at the news that his
brother would be entering the field in which he excelled at. ?Watch
out for Professor Tyler McDonovan.? Josh laughed to himself as he
briefly remembered the evil Betazoid teacher. ?Don?t every lie to
the guy; empaths are a pain to have as teachers. I just have one
question, why join security and tactical? Mom always had you leaning
towards medical and science.?
Jerrad put an arm around Josh?s
waist. ?I want to be like my brother.?
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