<USS Banshee> "Downward Spiral"
- From: "Brad Ruder" <GroundZero@xxxxxxxxxxxxx>
- To: ussbanshee@xxxxxxxxxxxxx
- Date: Tue, 15 Apr 2003 23:37:58 -0700
by Lieutenant Joshua
His rested cold bulkhead as his eyes
tried to make sense of all the stars passing by the window. Josh
would often stand alone in the down under lounge and gaze out amongst
the other planetary systems, space-dwelling anomalies, and the
undetermined amount of souls that inhabited planets
Josh did it for one sole purpose, and that was to be
alone. To get away from it all; the busy life of a Starfleet
officer, the stressful dilemmas that came along with acting under the
command of Captain Rhiannon Morrigan and Commander Victor Andros, and
the dull pain that was loneliness.
Most of it wasn?t that bad.
He?d always wanted to be a Starfleet officer and proudly where the
colors of his department and show off the shiny pips of his rank.
Josh had always dreamed of serving on a vessel that could soothe the
widening hole in his stomach that yearned for home.
he thought at one point after being on the USS Banshee for a month or
two, he thought that he?d found a place to belong. Work had finally
clicked and he was in tune with what needed to be done, and a
relationship with one of the most beautiful women he had ever see
brought utter utopia.
Utopia was short-lived. He should have
taken the devastating disease that almost killed his beautiful
girlfriend as an omen of things to come. Shortly after the cure was
found, by now departed doctors Lieutenant Coren Terje and Ensign
Anthony D?Vorak, things went to shambles.
Sara had been
seeing another and Josh wasn?t pleased. He?d been raised to love one
and all, but the one that you could see yourself spending the rest of
eternity with would receive all the love. Apparently, Sara thought
differently. Josh couldn?t bring himself to continue the
relationship. So, he ended it. Or, so he thought.
immediate impulse after letting her go in a clash of words in her
office, Josh scampered after her begging and pleading with her to
take him back. All in vain Sara wouldn?t have a word of it. Joshua
realized that he?d lost the bliss that he?d come to love and welcome
openly, and it was all because of his unyielding rage that he
struggled with since a child. Having no one to blame but himself,
Josh turned outward.
Heather Mclouson. She was his rebound
girl, unfortunately, and he used her for one thing and one thing
only. As much as he hated himself for doing so, he needed the
feeling of reassurance that he wasn?t the unlovable one, that he
wasn?t the one people were running from; no, he needed that warmth
and comfort of having someone to hold onto.
Then his mother
had died. Claimed by the same disease that stripped his father from
him as a child, Josh battled with finally being on his own and
providing for his younger brother who had such a relationship with
their mother that he was in emotional tatters. After fighting with
his own feelings on the matter, Josh caved and expressed openly his
emotions about losing the one he only knew for half his
Josh realized that his life was in a downward spiral.
The loss of his mother, the loss of any romantic relationship, and
the feeling as if his whole career was spiraling out of control were
just things that he couldn?t control. He yearned to progress further
in the ranks; Lieutenant Senior Grade was just up ahead. He could
almost taste the promotion.
Alas, he always fell short.
Other related posts:
- » <USS Banshee> "Downward Spiral"