<USS Banshee> "Downward Spiral"

  • From: "Brad Ruder" <GroundZero@xxxxxxxxxxxxx>
  • To: ussbanshee@xxxxxxxxxxxxx
  • Date: Tue, 15 Apr 2003 23:37:58 -0700

?Downward Spiral?
by Lieutenant Joshua Asper

His rested cold bulkhead as his eyes tried to make sense of all the stars passing by the window. Josh would often stand alone in the down under lounge and gaze out amongst the other planetary systems, space-dwelling anomalies, and the undetermined amount of souls that inhabited planets unknown.

Josh did it for one sole purpose, and that was to be alone. To get away from it all; the busy life of a Starfleet officer, the stressful dilemmas that came along with acting under the command of Captain Rhiannon Morrigan and Commander Victor Andros, and the dull pain that was loneliness.

Most of it wasn?t that bad. He?d always wanted to be a Starfleet officer and proudly where the colors of his department and show off the shiny pips of his rank. Josh had always dreamed of serving on a vessel that could soothe the widening hole in his stomach that yearned for home.

At last, he thought at one point after being on the USS Banshee for a month or two, he thought that he?d found a place to belong. Work had finally clicked and he was in tune with what needed to be done, and a relationship with one of the most beautiful women he had ever see brought utter utopia.

Utopia was short-lived. He should have taken the devastating disease that almost killed his beautiful girlfriend as an omen of things to come. Shortly after the cure was found, by now departed doctors Lieutenant Coren Terje and Ensign Anthony D?Vorak, things went to shambles.

Sara had been seeing another and Josh wasn?t pleased. He?d been raised to love one and all, but the one that you could see yourself spending the rest of eternity with would receive all the love. Apparently, Sara thought differently. Josh couldn?t bring himself to continue the relationship. So, he ended it. Or, so he thought.

His immediate impulse after letting her go in a clash of words in her office, Josh scampered after her begging and pleading with her to take him back. All in vain Sara wouldn?t have a word of it. Joshua realized that he?d lost the bliss that he?d come to love and welcome openly, and it was all because of his unyielding rage that he struggled with since a child. Having no one to blame but himself, Josh turned outward.

Heather Mclouson. She was his rebound girl, unfortunately, and he used her for one thing and one thing only. As much as he hated himself for doing so, he needed the feeling of reassurance that he wasn?t the unlovable one, that he wasn?t the one people were running from; no, he needed that warmth and comfort of having someone to hold onto.

Then his mother had died. Claimed by the same disease that stripped his father from him as a child, Josh battled with finally being on his own and providing for his younger brother who had such a relationship with their mother that he was in emotional tatters. After fighting with his own feelings on the matter, Josh caved and expressed openly his emotions about losing the one he only knew for half his life.

Josh realized that his life was in a downward spiral. The loss of his mother, the loss of any romantic relationship, and the feeling as if his whole career was spiraling out of control were just things that he couldn?t control. He yearned to progress further in the ranks; Lieutenant Senior Grade was just up ahead. He could almost taste the promotion.

Alas, he always fell short.

In Starfleet.

In love.

In life.

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