<USS Banshee> "Closure to Crisis"

From: "Brad Ruder" <GroundZero@xxxxxxxxxxxxx>
To: ussbanshee@xxxxxxxxxxxxx
Date: Mon, 14 Oct 2002 18:12:27 -0700

?Closure to Crisis?
by Lieutenant Joshua Asper
& Lieutenant Sara Crusher

Commander Andros had all but outright ordered Sara to get some rest. So now that's what she was trying to do, but to no avail. She lied in her bed wide awake, tossing and turning. No matter what she did she couldn?t fall asleep. The room was too quiet and too dark she complained, so she turned up the lights and turned on a music program. But that's not why she couldn't sleep. She knew that it was because of her nerves and because this would have been the first time in over a week she'd be sleeping alone. It seemed silly, but in that short span of time she had gotten use to having someone next to her; having Cyanah next to her. She liked the feeling of playing with Cy's hair until she fell asleep.

Sara sat up and walked into her bathroom. A few minutes later a pair of jeans and a sweatshirt had replaced her silk nightgown. She headed out the door and down the hall. She soon found herself sitting alone in the Down Under Lounge picking at an ice cream sundae.

Josh walked out of the turbolift and down the hallway on deck three. The night had been a little more busy than usual and his strained eyes and aching legs were the product of his intense dedication towards finding out who had accessed the files in the Banshee's main computer core. His gaze shifted from the floor - which was the only thing that proved soothing to his eyes - to the clamor up ahead. He stepped into Three Forward and was almost knocked over when the catastrophic sounds of people shuffling about, socializing, and having a grand old time hit him like a quantum torpedo.

Josh stumbled backward and retraced his steps back down the hallway to the turbolift. "Down Under Lounge." Josh leaned against the turbolift wall as it zoomed through the bowels of the ship and finally came to a shuddering halt on his desired deck. Stepping into the hallway into a quieter atmosphere he set towards the cleverly hidden and often unused lounge. The doors swished open and the soft candlelight illuminated the hallway directly outside. Josh stepped and looked around, his gaze eventually landing on Sara Crusher.

He resisted the temptation to leave the lounge at that moment and turned towards her location across the lounge in a corner. Josh walked casually over to her, but didn't sit. "Is this seat taken?"

Sara looked up at Josh and smiled. "Nope, it's free." She said softly. She had picked the Down Under Lounge because she knew it would be empty. She had thought that she had wanted to be alone, but at that moment she wanted nothing more then for Josh to sit with her. "Please join me." She offered as she saw him still standing by the chair.

Josh nodded, "I came down here because Three Forward was as full as a Ferengi Casino Barge. I needed some piece and quiet. What's up, why are you in solitude down here?" Josh shifted into the seat and clasped his hands on the table in front of him. Sara had something troubling her, his limited involvement with her empathy made him feel that from the moment that he sat down. He didn't want to bring it up; it would be better if she did the honors.

"I couldn't sleep." She told him as she played with the melting ice cream. "I thought that if I came down here to get a bit to eat it would help. But it's hasn't." She wasn't sure how much to tell him. It was after all a bit weird to be talking to him about things, certain things anyway. Sara sighed deeply and pushed her bowl away. "Was there any word from the away team before you left?"

"Last thing I heard was that they were on their way to the conference on the planet's surface." Josh looked at the melted ice cream and remembered their first date. He sighed and looked into her eyes. "I'm sorry. Is there anything that I can do?" Josh wasn't in the mood for nostalgia, but he figured that he would go down that road if he had to.

Sara shook her head. "No. There's nothing anyone can do. It's been a crazy few weeks and I'm just crashing from the emotions and everything." She told him. "It's been a hell of a roller coaster ride." She smiled a bit as she thought a bit about everything. Even with everything that's happened, all the changes in her life there was a bright spot to it all. Too bad she was on the planet. Sara suddenly thought of something, "Josh, I owe you an apology."

Josh shook his head before Sara could get anything out. "Sara, you don't owe me an apology. I blew up and didn't even think about your feelings. Basically, I was selfish and didn't want to share you. Who would?" Josh smiled and handed the empty plate to the passing waiter. "If anyone should be apologizing it is me."

A faint blush colored Sara's checks as she smiled at him. "I didn't mean to hurt you, Josh. And I did, and I'm sorry." She began as she turned in her chair to face him. "I really do care about you but I guess faith had other plans for us."

Josh looked down as the unbearable force of realizing that Sara was perpetually out of his reach. He realized that Sara, with her empathic abilities, would see his grief but he didn't care. "I guess so. I hope that we can continue to be friends, at least, I would hate to lose such a valuable and loving friend."

Josh felt unable to do anything but sit there. His mind simply wandered into the unknown. There was no structure, no basis, and no path for him to follow. He felt an emptiness that couldn?t be described in words, actions, or emotions. It had laid him flat on the ground and he was unsure of how to proceed. For now, he'd sit.

Sara reached out and took Josh's hand. She could feel how badly he was hurting, but she knew it would be unfair to string him along. They sat there in silence for a long time, Sara never taking her hand back. Finally she looked at him. "I love you Josh and that's not going to change. I want you in my life as long as you want to be. But it'll be up to you." She told him. "Our relationship is changing not ending. Or at least that's what I hope." Sara hoped that at least some of what she was trying to say was helping and not making things worse.

Josh smiled even though he felt as if a dagger had been plunged into his stomach, turned a bit, and then pushed through the other side. "I'll be apart of it, Sara." Josh was unsure how serious and truthful he was being for the fact that his feelings for her had been severely tested as of late. His actions with Heather earlier that day had somewhat troubled him. "This is going to make me a big brother sort of figure, isn't it?" Josh smiled and laughed as he tried to ease the moment with a joke of sorts.

The look in Josh's eyes seemed familiar to Sara and then when Josh made the joke about being a big brother type it hit her like a ton of bricks. She had seen the same look Tony's eyes when they had had a similar conversation. It was then that Sara realized that any romantic relationship she had had with Josh was truly over, and she really did belong to only one person now. "Ya know being my brother isn't such a bad thing, just ask Matt." She teased trying to lighten the mood.

Nodding and staring into her eyes Josh became serious. "If you ever need anything, Sara, you know that you can come to me. I'll be here until the day that I die to help you." Josh wanted to be apart of Sara's life, even if was only in a brotherly sort of manner. He smiled as he pulled his hand back. "I will admit though, I'll miss our dates. We had some good times."

Sara smiled and nodded. " Yes we did. That shuttle trip will always be special to me." She said holding back tears. "And we don't have to stop hanging out, unless you'd think it was weird."

Josh himself remembered the solar event that they had witnessed in each other's arms. His mind flashed back to his father and mother for a second, but he managed to pull it back to the conversation at hand. "No, we can still hang out."

"Good." She said with a smile. "Cause I never did get to kick your butt at kick boxing." She teased. She had caught the sudden flash of emotion and could tell she didn?t cause it. She wondered if she should ask, but Josh was never one to talk about his feelings. Sara waved down the waiter and ordered some tea.

"You know what, Doc, I'll trash you. Don't make me beat a woman, I'm not above it if you bring it first. Anytime, any place, and any condition, I'll take you." Josh smiled and ordered a drink.

Sara laughed. "Bring it on Pretty Boy!" The two sat and talked for a while longer before Sara started yawning. Josh walked her to the turbo lift and she gave him a kiss on the check before the doors hissed closed. A few minutes later Sara was crawling back into bed, and this time she actually feel asleep since at least one of her life crises was settled.

<USS Banshee> "Closure to Crisis"

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