<USS Banshee> Building up the Courage

  • From: EnsnSaraCrusher@xxxxxxx
  • To: ussbanshee@xxxxxxxxxxxxx
  • Date: Tue, 7 Oct 2003 04:13:35 EDT

"Building up the Courage." 
By. Lt. Jg. Joe Castillo &
      Lt.  Sara Crusher

The lights in three forward were set to a lower level in the evenings then 
they were during the day. Something which Sara was more then grateful for as 
sat alone near the window. It was much easier to think when the vibe around 
you was calm and peaceful. She sat there with her knees drawn up to her chest 
and a half empty glass of something that looked like orange neon on the table 
beside her. 

The only noise in the room was the clinking of the 3D chess board across the 
room and her own breathing. Sara closed her eyes as she rested her head on the 
back of the chair and waited quietly for Cyanah who was rewriting her grant 
proposal for the fourth time. Sara didn’t mind the alone time since it was 
giving her time to think. Her thoughts seemed to be all a jumble lately. Bits 
pieces of conversations with Cyanah, Mrs. Troi, her brother, and even Rhi kept 
popping in to her head. All of which seemed to linger on the same topic. 

Joe had finally run out of  real alcohol to drink and he needed some bad or 
he wouldn't get back to sleep tonight. After turning over every bottle under 
his bed to make sure there was none left, he decided to make his way over to 
three-forward to see if they had any real alcohol. As he entered three-foward 
noticed his favorite redhead sitting at a table.

They say that misery loves company and even though Sara didn't look 
miserable, he sure felt miserable and could use her company. He walked over to 
the bar 
tender and told him he didn't care what he gave him as long as it was real 
liquor and then walked over to Sara. "Is this seat taken"?

Sara was startled at the sound of a man’s voice coming from above her but she 
smiled when she opened her eyes and saw Joe standing next to the table. "Nope 
it’s all yours." She said as she twisted around in her chair. She watched as 
Joe took the seat to her left and after taking a sip of her drink smiled 
again. "So what brings you down here so late?" 

Joe took a swig of whatever it was the waiter brought him and it tasted 
horrible. Hopefully it would do the trick and help him get back to sleep."Well, 
ran out of real alcohol in my room. What's your excuse?"

"I’m waiting for Cyanah to finish up a project and since three-forward has a 
much better view I thought I’d wait here." Sara didn’t add the fact that 
d also forgotten the code to Cyanah’s quarters again. As Joe took another sip 
of his drink something he’d said finally registered with her. "Real alcohol?" 

He look a little ashamed realizing what he had said. "Uh yeah it helps me 
sleep at night"

Sara gave him a concerned look. "You know as a doctor I could go on and on 
about the dangers that lurk in that habit but I’ll save that for your next 
physical. Instead, as your friend I’ll just ask what’s keeping you up that 
need a drink to sleep?" Sara lowered her legs and stretched them out as she 
pulled the small black sweater she had on tighter around herself. "Is 
ok, Joe?"

Joe let out a deep sigh and took another swig of the dreadful concoction. 
"Don't worry it's not a habit although I hear denial is one of the warning 
He chuckled as he finished his last sentence. "The thing is I've been having 
these nightmares from time to time, and when I do, drinking is the only way I 
can salvage a half way decent night's sleep."

Sara swirled her neon orange drink around in it’s glass as she nodded. "I 
know the feeling. Bad dreams can be such a bitch, their even worse when they 
out to be memories you‘d forgotten you‘d had." Sara laughed lightly and 
a long drink from her glass before putting it down. "I have better ways to 
help you sleep ya know, and one of them is listening if you need an ear to 
The others all involve a nice herbal tea or a nice hypo to the neck."  

Joe's mood was definitely lightened by hearing the words he'd told Sara so 
many times turned back at him. "I thought you were going to offer a massage or 
something" he said smiling from ear to ear. "Well I don't know, their really 
weird, but they usually end with someone almost dying or dying, I probably 
shouldn't tell you this but one of my latest ones featured Cyanah being thrown 
of a cliff."

"Just so you know, she’s hates that." Sara smiled kindly as she looked at 
Joe. He really did look tried and she could tell that something was bothering 
deeply. It wasn’t just her empathy that was telling her that Joe’s troubled 
waters ran deep, but the look in his eyes. It was the same look she’d had 
she was dreaming of exploding planes and heavily armed, pissed off Morrigans. 
"But seriously, Joe, it seems to me that there’s something that needs to be 
uncovered somewhere. Dreams aren’t just random ya know. They have points. 
you should ask Jansug for help with yours. If he went to the university on 
Betazed for his psychology training then he’ll know a few techniques to help 

Joe sighed once again "Yeah I guess you're right. I've been avoiding it 
because, well, he's a counselor and I guess on a subconscious level I feel like 
going to him is admitting I'm cuckoo, but if talking to him is what it takes to 
get my nights back. I might just have to see him."

Sara reached out and placed her hand on top of his. "Ya know most people see 
going to a counselor as a sign of weakness, but you know what? I don’t think 
it is. I think that it takes a lot of nerve and a hell of a lot of strength to 
go see someone for help like that." Sara squeezed Joe’s hand and he smiled 
which caused her to smile. She leaned back in her chair again as they both 
to think. Then the familiar hiss of the lounge doors caught her attention and 
Sara was quick to glance in their direction. She frowned when it wasn’t 
Cyanah and then turned back to her drink with a sigh. 

Joe noticed how quickly Sara frowned when she realized it wasn't HER favorite 
redhead at the door. "Man o man this Lt. Calorie must be some kinda woman if 
her NOT showing up can turn your smile to a frown that quickly"

"Kaelyre." Sara said with a giggle. The mispronunciation of Cyanah’s last 
name didn’t seem to sting coming from Joe like it did when other people said 
Sara’s smile briefly returned before melting away again. "It’s just that 
work and everything it’s been so hard to find time to spend together and 
shoreleave seems so far off and." Sara paused and laughed a little. "I guess I 
just got *Us* on the brain lately." 

Joe sighed once again "It's great to be in love isn't it. The way the thought 
of them just brightens you whole day, how every moment without them is an 
eternity and every hour with them feels like seconds. Wonderful feeling love. 
long have you guys been going out?"

"Almost a year and half." Sara said proudly. She could have sited exactly how 
many months, weeks, and days but she didn’t want to sound like a love sick 
teenager. She much preferred the love sick twenty-something angle. "Been 
longer then that." 

"Wow that's a long time. Longer than any of the relationships I've ever had. 
You guys are pretty serious then?"

Sara nodded. Her whole face seemed to beam. "It’s the longest one I’ve ever 
been in and the only one that’s truly meant anything. Until now being in a 
relationship was like being in one of my Aunt‘s plays. I was playing a part, 
acting along to a script that someone else wrote." She paused and took a sip of 
her drink. Her mind momentarily relishing in the sensation of her feelings. 
this.. This thing with Cy... It‘s real. I‘m real." 

Joe beamed a smile at her " Oh it's 'real', I'm glad to hear that. Have you 
guys had the talk then?" 

"Huh?" Sara looked a little confused. "Talk, what talk? We talk about a lot 
of stuff. I don’t think we would have made it though what we’ve made it 
without being able to talk." 

Joe smiled " You know THE TALK. you guys have been going out for so long and 
it's going great, both of you are hopelessly in love, it's only natural that 
you think about marriage."

If a person who was fair skinned to began with could get ever more so then 
Sara would have just a set a new paleness record. "Ah, well, um." Sara sighed 
then chuckled as she shook her head. "You see.. Well, Cy’s Delosian and well 
they have these really long courtships, probably cause they live longer then 
humans and even longer then Betazoids who have longer life spans then humans, 
actually as far as life spans Delosians would be more like Vulcans then anyone 
else...and.. and  Well. Anyway, no we haven’t had that talk. I mean I don’t 
think it’s on Cy’s mind. I mean she probably thinks.. Well.. Well, I’m 
sure what she thinks, I’ve never asked.." 

"Well, you say you talk all the time and you love her. I mean I'm no expert 
on relationships but it seems pretty weird that you've been going out for a 
year and a half and you haven't talked about it at all"

"I don’t wanna rush things." Sara said with a smile, but the look on Joe’s 
face repeated ‘a year and half‘. "I’m afraid that if I tell her that the 
thoughts crossed my mind then she’d think I’m being pushy or even worse 
clingy or 
something. I don't know.. Mostly I guess I’m afraid that by bring it up I’d 
somehow lose her." Sara shook her head and sighed heavily. "I know.. I know.. 
She loves me and I’m just being silly but still. It’s a major life changing 

"Can't argue with that, but sweety; If you want to, and she doesn't isn't it 
better to find out sooner than later. The longer you go without knowing the 
more the possibility of being hurt. Don't get me wrong I want nothing but the 
best for you, but you shouldn't live with this uncertainty" Joe didn't know 
where all this was coming from but in his alcohol induced state of loose 
it sounded right.

Sara simply nodded. "She wouldn’t hurt me for the world, Joe, nor I her. But 
your right. I mean for all I know she’s had the same thoughts and I could be 
missing out on what I want." 

"My sentiments exactly, I mean I remember this one girl I had a crush on 
forever and I never told her until the day I left for Starfleet, and you know 
she told me? She liked me to. It's amazing what we humans miss out on in life 
because of a silly thing called fear." 

"How’d you get so smart, Joe?" Sara smiled again. There was something new in 
her eyes now, a glimmer of reassurance and determination. Something told her 
that the next conversation she and Cyanah had while cuddled on the couch 
t be about what they were having for dinner. "Thanks Joe." Sara finally said 
after a long moment.

My pleasure sweety." Joe leaned over to give her a hug but almost fell over. 
"Uh I think I've had enough to get a couple of hours sleep before it's time to 
get up again. Tell Lt. Calorie to stop avoiding me. I want to meet this 
redhead that has my favorite redhead all worked up." He managed to get up and 
Sara a kiss on the forehead. "Have a good night hun" 

"Goodnight, Joe. Be careful and rest well."  Sara watched as Joe made his way 
to the door and then made a mental note to call Jansug in the morning. Then 
she curled back up in her chair and returned her attention to the stars outside 
the window. 

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