<USS Banshee> Better This Way

  • From: angelserene@xxxxxxxx
  • To: ussbanshee@xxxxxxxxxxxxx
  • Date: Fri, 6 Feb 2004 19:25:20 GMT

Better This Way
by Ens Telsia Ehling

Telsia sat on the couch, staring out into space without really seeing anything. 
 Her hand hurt slightly from the slap and her finger felt naked without the 
ring on it.  She wasn?t sure if the tears had stop yet or not, truly she 
couldn?t feel or hear anything, she felt like an empty vessel with no life in 
her.  But she wasn?t empty or alone, she still had Cameron, the child made out 
love by her and Josh.  

Thoughts of Cameron got Tel moving again.  She stood slowly and went into the 
bedroom, there was still a lot of packing to be done and she hoped to get it 
done before Josh came back.  She didn?t want to cause a big scene again.

She was throwing her clothes into a bag, not bothering to fold them or to 
really even take account of everything she was packing to make sure she didn?t 
leave anything behind.  Once all of her and Cameron?s things were moved into 
their new quarters, she would send her request for transfer out.  It was better 
this way, she kept telling herself.  Josh would be able to stay on the Banshee, 
a ship he truly loved and Telsia and Cameron would be on a ship where they were 
actually wanted and accepted.  It was better this way.

No matter how many times Tel told herself that she still couldn?t really 
believe it.  She loved Josh, a lot, more then any other person in her life and 
she was leaving him.  The pain of the past that Telsia had believed she had 
long ago buried came bubbling back to the surface.  The pain of Josh leaving 
her, then the knowledge that she was carrying Josh?s son, marrying Eric.  
Everything, every little mistake she had ever made were coming back and Tel 
could do nothing to stop the flow of tears down her cheeks.  

Dejectedly, she sat down on the edge of the bed and buried her head in her 
hands.  The sobs were shaking her shoulder.  She felt a small tug on her arm 
and looked down at her son, the most amazing thing in her life, the most 
stable, looking up at her with questioning eyes.  Unable to help herself, she 
gathered her son up in her arms and held him close to her chest, rocking 
lightly and crying into his hair, hair that was so like his fathers.  

She felt the uncertainty of their future staring them in the face, mocking them 
and she couldn?t help but cry harder.  Tel had always thought she was so smart 
and knew how to fix everything; she was wrong, so very wrong.

Her body felt utterly drained and she had no energy to do anything besides hold 
her beloved son.  Slowly she let her body relax and she fell down against the 
pillows, feeling the cushioning acceptance of Josh?s bed.  Telsia let the bed 
and pillows carry her to sleep.  Cameron tucked in at her side and tears 
streaming down her face in a never ending fashion, Tel slept, dreaming of the 
life she could have once had with Josh and the life she was going to have alone.

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