<USS Atlantis> Engineering the Past

From: EnsignFJ@xxxxxxx
To: ussatlantis@xxxxxxxxxxxxx
Date: Wed, 21 Aug 2002 00:28:42 EDT
Engineering the Past
Personal Log of Ensign FJ

Scene::Ensign FJ is spending another lonely shift in engineering, making sure 
everything is running well::

       Looking over the countless number of systems that make up the 
engineering department can be a tough job. Tonight I am running a complete 
diagnostic of all systems, a just in case thing.  Often when I do these 
things my thoughts begin to drift, sometimes thinking of friends, wondering 
where they are, and sometimes thinking of family and wondering just why?
       I never met my mother, and only once saw my real father, being adopted 
by two vulcans living on the Alpha Centari moon was a truely unique 
experience, especially for my age.  Both my foster parents insist I follow 
the Vulcan philosphys of Logic over feelings. Obviously that would be 
difficult to obtain, considering I am not in any way Vulcan.  As a form of 
punishment I was sent on a "learning trip on one of the Alpha Centarian ships 
known as the Freedom.  The Freedom's purpose was to be a space police, and 
make sure all trade laws were followed.  Ilegal import/exporting of forbidden 
drugs was the main enemy at the time.  Shoot-outs with pirate ships was a 
common occurrance.  My first full year I was scared to death, even at a young 
age I could tell that the ship was very old and needed major repairs to the 
warp core.  Looking back at the days I served as the assistant to the bridge 
crew were easy compared to what I was faced with.  So many Battles and So 
much blood shed moved me up the ladder quickly and within 11 years time I was 
serving as the Commanding Officer of the Freedom.  
       Commanding the Freedom seemed to be a challenge at the time, but 
looking at it now, it was one I was unready for.  I met a woman on the 
Freedom and married her, the marriage was a happy one, but ended in 
destruction.  You've never felt heart-ache and misery till you watch out the 
small window in a 1 man escape pod as the pod carrying your wife is blown to 
a million pieces, along with a ship that was my responsibility.  Then when 
you are at the lowest point of your life to be discharged and blamed for the 
loss of 100s of people.  Sometimes I think I should be an Assistant in 
Starfleet forever, that way I can do less damage, but in others I honestly 
want to take command of a vessel again, to show I am sane, and that I can 
compentently command a crew without killing them.  The next time I sit in the 
big chair will be the proudest moment of my life, but will also be a 
flashback to a million images frozen in my memory forever.
::Ensign FJ's train of thought is intrerupted by a Engineering Ensign asking 
about something::
::Ensign FJ begins running test on the systems again, and begins thinking 
again::
I wonder if that is why I have the habit of running test over and over again 
on all systems, I dont want to see the same thing happen twice on my watch.

::The computer beeps that the diagnostic is done, takes a PADD out and makes 
notes and walks into Chief Engineers office, and lays it on top of the 2 
other PADDs I have filled out for him, looks over at chair I broke playing in 
his office::
I gotta get that thing fixed before he notices.

::walks out of Chief Engineers office and through Main engineering, into the 
walkway and finally into Private Quarters::
Tonight should be a good nights sleep
::lays down not even taking uniform off::        ::starts to fall asleep 
knowing tonights dreams should be a little more pleasant, they are always 
better after a hard days work::
<USS Atlantis> Engineering the Past

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