Hi girls,
I enjoyed hearing what you all had to say to encourage Renee. Like the guy
in Job's story, I thought I had better wait and let the others talk first.
:)
I would just add this from my single perspective. Your friends understand
that you have less time for them, Renee. We get that. It's true for
everyone who gets married and who has a family. We will still be there and
will be glad to catch up with you when your daughter is older and needs
less constant supervision. I learned years ago not to expect to hear much
from my friends the first few years after they get married. It takes time
for them to adjust to their new role. The same thing happens when they have
little children. It's normal. And it's really special when that friendship
picks up again, if it does (since it's impossible to stay in touch with
everyone and we grow in different directions, like Pam said).
The only other thing I would mention, regarding your involvement in church
and in other activities, is that the Lord will help you keep Him as the
center of your lives and your family, in a wise and balanced way. Some
families go way overboard - everything revolves around their child and his
needs. Some go way too far in the other direction - they allow no time for
their kids to rest or relax and are way too over-committed. I'm sure it's
hard. But the Lord will help you! :)
love,
Kristi
Kristi Jeanne Colas
11 rue Henri Dunant
95410 Groslay, France
Le dim. 2 juin 2019 à 04:02, Pamela Smith <dmarc-noreply@xxxxxxxxxxxxx> a
écrit :
I agree so much with what has been written. Sometimes I think of
friendships or relationships as people as a river. I really hope this makes
sense. :) Life is fluid with everyone with varying circumstances in
everyone's own life. We had some great relationships 11 years ago with
people in PA. They were young couples that were experiencing the same
marital growing pains we were, and life felt very relatable with them. Many
had children before we did, and at times it felt as if we were "dumped"
because we couldn't relate to the newborn stage at all. But, that didn't
diminish what God did through those people during the times we were closer.
About 7-8 years ago, we visited our old church, but they had pushed forward
in their lives and we had also, so there was little in common, and that's
where the river illustration come in. I enjoyed those relationships, and
then I went back to revisit them, but the landscape had changed just as a
river's route changes due to flooding, drought, or even beavers/other
animals. It wasn't that they were wrong or we were wrong, but we had grown
in a different direction, and I realized that most of these were FB-only
friendships. I still appreciate those people and care for them, but now God
has given us different relationships to invest in personally in this
community.
I'm with Bonnie about the schedule. I kept/keep our kids on a schedule b/c
they thrive on it personally/personality-wise. My kids like to know what to
expect next because it helps with being anxious. We had a 8pm bedtime until
recently (b/c they were growing out of it), except for Wednesday nights.
It's the one night a week that we go to church as a family (Geoff goes on
Sundays 1 1/2 hours earlier than it starts), so that means we go home as a
family. The programs end at 8:15 p.m., but b/c people are chatting w/ my
husband and me, we usually don't leave until 9-9:30. Thursdays are not my
favorite, because everyone is usually grumpy, but when they were younger it
meant earlier lunch/nap times. Now most are in school so we make sure
clothes/lunches are done for the next day before we leave for church. That
night is a priority for us, so we just roll with it, and try to give our
kids the best set up for the day even though they may be a bit tired.
As for inviting others to your home, just do it or be creative. I'm
reading "Just Open the Door" regarding hospitality, and she has tons of
tips of how to be hospitable in your home (cheap and thrifty) and outside
like at sports practices for the kids. I have enjoyed it so far. We'll
never have a perfectly clean or organized home as long as I am living, but
I still want to invite people in. Coffee with friends on your couch while
the kids color on $1 coloring books for 20 minutes is much better than no
coffee with a friend. :) One newly married couple (married 5 months)
invited our family of 7 to their 1 bedroom apartment (500 sq feet) for
lunch. We ate sandwiches and chips and the kids brought their own toys and
tablets. We chatted for 2 hours, and it was great! Everyone survived. :)
Don't let those things stop you if really want to have someone over!
Sorry so long, like usual - Pam
On Saturday, June 1, 2019, 4:05:19 PM CDT, James Brabson <
thebrabsonfamily@xxxxxxxxx> wrote:
Liz and Carrie have some very good words of encouragement. I also
struggled with feeling lonely. Something I would do was meeting moms in
parks. I would bring a stroller in case my kids got tired and rock them to
sleep or meet people for coffee, even if it was a short time because our
kids where getting wiggly. We tried for the most part to keep our kids to a
schedule, but if we got invited over someone house we would go. We found
that people understand and wpikd make it work for us, setting up a
pack-in-play or laying the child on the floor in a bedroom if they fall
asleep.
Praying that you will find something that works for you.
Bonnie
On May 31, 2019, at 7:36 PM, Carrie Hub <carriehub060300@xxxxxxxxx> wrote:
Ditto to Liz's beautifully put words! She is speaking truth. Have hope,
dear friend!
I remember Liz telling me that she understood something that I shared with
her when she came to visit me in my first year of marriage. It felt so good
to hear. Marriage is wonderful, but it can be lonely. The same with
parenting. Both stretch us to our limits "like butter stretched over too
much bread."
God has been teaching me through the years to hold loosely to people, to
love them, to serve them and enjoy them as I can, but also to let Him move
them away if He wishes and to focus on those right in front of me. It is
hard and it hurts, but I trust that I am where I am supposed to be and so
are they (whether that is a place or a season of life). I have to trust
that He will provide all they need and all I need. Again this is hard as I
miss them. It has made me start looking forward to heaven more and more. I
am tired of saying goodbye.
By the way, weaning hormones stink. I was so thankful that a friend warned
me that she struggled with feeling very depressed after each of her kids
were weaned. It stunk! I recommend lots of Kayla snuggles!
You are loved. You are heard. You are not alone in your struggle or
feelings. Hugs from far away. And prayers for comfort and clarity and peace.
On Fri, May 31, 2019, 1:54 PM Elizabeth Lovelace <
dmarc-noreply@xxxxxxxxxxxxx> wrote:
Hi, Renee,
I want to start by acknowledging your loss and grief. I see how strongly
you yearn for and miss these relationships. Hormones or not, your feelings
are valid. Wish I could come hug you.
Yes, you're in a new stage of life, and it has changed more aspects than
you expected. I think you're doing great recognizing what you're capable of
and what you're not. That's such a huge step. Being ok with it, is
different, though.
Sounds like you guys have been stuck in "limbo", house-wise, and that has
to be so frustrating. Hang in there.
And while it's not the same as face-to-face encounters, there is a lot you
can do with technology. If Kayla goes to bed early, maybe you can pick a
few nights a week to spend time on the phone with friends and family to
catch up. Sending a text or quick e-mail to check in with people is valid,
too. I was so encouraged when you wrote me out of the blue one day to tell
me you were thinking and praying for me.
And people get it. You have a baby. Of course your life is different and
your time is limited. All those that love you will still love and
appreciate you even if they don't see you as often.
Yes, sleep is important! Does Kayla fall asleep in a stroller? My kids
have napped and fallen asleep in so many strollers and car seats! :) Still,
do what you feel is best for your child and your family.
Love you!!!
PS: the fact that you care so much makes you a great friend, by the way.
On Fri, May 31, 2019 at 9:35 AM, Renee O'Leske
<larsen.renee@xxxxxxxxx> wrote:
Girlfriend chat here. I am very hormonal. Finally weaned Kayla
completely. Etc...
And feel in need of some sister's encouragement. I am not even dressed
yet, since 6am I have fed and played with Kayla, put her down for a nap,
replied to a few text messages, took out the trash, made a healthy snack
for the family and composed this email. Still not dressed yet... and I am
sure Kayla will be up soon.
But anyway, I am just wondering if anyone can relate to this. It is
long. Please don't feel obligated to read or respond. I know you have
many priorities!! But if you feel led... here are my thoughts this
morning:
So... Craig and I have a sense of loyalty to many friends and family
members... yet, since we have been married and now have a young child, we
are "losing" our friendships based on our own capacity. We literally
cannot maintain them. We had very full lives with work, church families,
family, friends... but they did not intersect at all (none of my friends
even intersect much, they are all separate "families" to me). So to
maintain this in marriage and with a family is impossible.
(We're struggling to find time to connect with a local church - we're
pursuing serving on Sunday mornings b/c it is the only time we can commit
to... Let alone try to get together with friends or even my own family
visiting from out of town! b/c Kayla goes to bed at 7:30pm... Are we
being too strict? I only read about how important sleep is for children!!)
I find myself being stretched in ways I would never expect. "leaving
father and mother" (which as an older single person seems to also include,
your sisters, brother, and all your friends) - I didn't expect this meant
losing them...
But I think of Christ... Christ *lost *the Father, and the Father turned
His back on His Son, so that we could be Christ's Bride. What a cost!!!!
I wasn't able to see any of you when you were here in WI. Joanna is here
from NZ and I am not sure I will be able to see her. I am seeing Naomi and
her family twice.. hopefully 3 times in the 3 weeks she has been here from
TX! (And these times are like a few hours in one day... that's it.) I
am so used to spending as much time as possible with my peeps!
(To make things more challenging, we don't have much energy or space to
have many people over - especially if they have a lot of little kids. We
have no yard or basement or separate room for them to play... Kayla barely
has a room to sleep b/c so much of our stuff is packed in hopes that we
will find a house someday. plus we live a good bit north of the city, so
it's not really close to anyone...)
I feel like I need to say, "The Lord gives and the Lord takes away,
blessed be the name of the LORD." But... I never expected I would lose all
my relationships He's given me. Isn't that not being a good steward of
them? Isn't that mean to these precious people? Won't that mean that I
will be isolated? I just struggle with this... yet, I honestly don't have
the capacity. I feel like we moved far away but we didn't...
And my sweet little girl is now awake. :)
