Sounds like half of my users... JK WHO'S ON FIRST...IN THE 21ST CENTURY Abbott: Ultimate SuperDuper Computer Store. Can I help you? Costello: Thanks. I'm setting up a home office in the den, and I'm thinking of buying a computer. Abbott: Mac? Costello: No, the name is Lou. Abbott: Your computer? Costello: I don't own a computer. I want to buy one. Abbott: Mac? Costello: I told you, my name is Lou. Abbott: What about Windows? Costello: Why? Does it get stuffy? Abbott: Do you want a computer with Windows? Costello: I don't know. What do I see when I look out the windows? Abbott: Wallpaper. Costello: Never mind the windows. I need a computer and software. Abbott: Software that runs on Windows? Costello: No, on the computer! I need something I can use to write proposals, track expenses. You know, run a business. What have you got? Abbott: Office. Costello: Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything? Abbott: I just did. Costello: You just did what? Abbott: Recommended something. Costello: You recommended something? Abbott: Yes. Costello: For my office? Abbott: Yes. Costello: Okay, what did you recommend for my office? Abbott: Office. Costello: Yes, for my office. Abbott: Office for Windows. Costello: I already have an office and it already has windows! Let's say I'm sitting at my computer, and I want to type a proposal. What do I need? Abbott: Word. Costello: If I'm writing a proposal, I'm going to need lots of words. But what program do I load? Abbott: Word. Costello: What word? Abbott: The Word in Office. Costello: The only word in office is office. Abbott: The Word in Office for Windows. Costello: Which word in "office for windows?" Abbott: The Word you get when you click the blue W. Costello: I'm going to click your big W if you don't give me a straight answer. Let's forget about words for a minute. What do I need if I want to watch a movie over the Internet? Abbott: RealOne. Costello: Maybe a real movie, maybe a cartoon. What I watch is none of your business. But what do I need to watch it? Abbott: RealOne. Costello: If it's a long movie I'll also want to watch reels two, three and four. Can I watch reel four? Abbott: Of course. Costello: Great! With what? Abbott: RealOne. Costello: Okay, so I'm sitting at my computer and I want to watch a movie. What do I do? Abbott: You click the blue 1. Costello: I click the blue one what? Abbott: The blue 1. Costello: Is that different from the blue W? Abbott: Of course it is.. The blue 1 is RealOne. The blue W is Word. Costello: What word? Abbott: The Word in Office for Windows. Costello: But there's three words in "office for windows!" Abbott: No, just one. But it's the most popular Word in the world. Costello: It is? Abbott: Yes, although to be fair there aren't many other Words left. It pretty much wiped out all the other Words. Costello: And that word is the real one? Abbott: No. RealOne has nothing to do with Word. RealOne isn't even part of Office. Costello: Never mind; I don't want to get started with that again. But I also need something for bank accounts, loans, and so on. What do you have to help me track my money? Abbott: Money. Costello: That's right. What do you have? Abbott: Money. Costello: I need money to track my money? Abbott: No, not really.. It comes bundled with your computer. Costello: What comes bundled with my computer? Abbott: Money. Costello: Money comes bundled with my computer? Abbott: Exactly. No extra charge. Costello: I get a bundle of money with my computer at no extra charge? How much money do I get? Abbott: Just one copy. Costello: I get a copy of money. Isn't that illegal? Abbott: No. We have a license from Microsoft to make copies of Money. Costello: Microsoft can license you to make money? Abbott: Why not? They own it. Costello: Well, it's great that I'm going to get free money, but I'll still need to track it. Do you have anything for managing your money? Abbott: Managing Your Money? That program disappeared years ago. Costello: Well, what do you sell in its place? Abbott: Money. Costello: You sell money? Abbott: Of course. But if you buy a computer from us, you get it free. Costello: That's all very wonderful, but I'll be running a business. Do you have any software for, you know, accounting? Abbott: Simply Accounting. Costello: Probably, but it might get a little complicated. Abbott: If you don't want Simply Accounting, you might try M.Y.O.B. Costello: M.Y.O.B.? What does that stand for? Abbott: Mind Your Own Business. Costello: I beg your pardon? Abbott: No, that would be I.B.Y.P. I said M.Y.O.B. Costello: Look, I just need to do some accounting for my home business. You know--accounting? You do it with money. Abbott: Of course you can do accounting with Money. But you may need more. Costello: More money? Abbott: More than Money. Money can't do everything. Costello: I don't need a sermon! Okay, let's forget about money for the moment. I'm worried that my computer might...what's the word? Crash. And if my computer crashes, what can I use to restore my data? Abbott: GoBack. Costello: Okay. I'm worried about my computer smashing and I need something to restore my data. What do you recommend? Abbott: GoBack. Costello: How many times do I have to repeat myself? Abbott: I've never asked you to repeat yourself. All I said was GoBack. Costello: How can I go back if I haven't even been anywhere? Okay, I'll go back. What do I need to write a proposal? Abbott: Word. Costello: But I'll need lots of words to write a proposal. Abbott: No, you only need one Word-the Word in Office for Windows. Costello: But there's three words in...Oh, never mind. Abbott: Hello? Hello? Customers! Why do they always hang up on me? Oh, well. Ultimate SuperDuper Computer Store. 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