[THIN] OT: Friday Humor The Stella Awards

  • From: Jim Kenzig <jimkenz@xxxxxxxxxxxxxx>
  • To: thin@xxxxxxxxxxxxx, brainstem@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
  • Date: Fri, 21 Mar 2003 11:14:50 -0500

It's time once again to review the winners of the annual "Stella Awards".
The Stella's are named after 81-year-old Stella Liebeck who spilled coffee
on herself and successfully sued McDonalds. That case inspired the Stella
awards for the most frivolous successful lawsuits in the United States.
Unfortunately the most recent lawsuit implicating McDonalds, the teens who
allege that eating at McDonalds has made them fat, was filed after the 2002
award voting was closed. This suit will top the 2003 list without question.

Here are this year's winners:

5th Place(tie): Kathleen Robertson of Austin, Texas, was awarded $780,000 by
a jury of her peers after breaking her ankle tripping over a toddler who was
running inside a furniture store. The owners of the store were
understandably surprised at the verdict, considering the misbehaving little
toddler was Ms. Robertson's son.

5th Place(tie): A 19-year-old Carl Truman of Los Angeles won $74,000 and
medical expenses when his neighbor ran over his hand with a Honda Accord.
Mr. Truman apparently didn't notice there was someone at the wheel of the
car when he was trying to steal his neighbor's hubcaps. 5th Place(tie):
Terrence Dickson of Bristol, Pennsylvania, was leaving a house he had just
finished robbing by way of the garage. He was not able to get the garage
door to go up since the automatic door opener was malfunctioning. He
couldn't re enter the house because the door connecting the house and garage
locked when he pulled it shut. The family was on vacation, and Mr.Dickson
found himself locked in the garage for eight days. He subsisted on a case of
Pepsi he found, and a large bag of dry dog food. He sued the homeowner's
insurance claiming the situation caused him undue mental anguish. The jury
agreed to the tune of $500,000.

4th Place: Jerry Williams of Little Rock, Arkansas, was awarded $14,500 and
medical expenses after being bitten on the buttocks by his next door
neighbor's beagle. The beagle was on a chain in its owner's fenced yard. The
award was less than sought because the jury felt the dog might have been
just a little provoked at the time by Mr. Williams who had climbed over the
fence into the yard and was shooting it repeatedly with a pellet gun.

3rd Place: A Philadelphia restaurant was ordered to pay Amber Carson of
Lancaster, Pennsylvania, $113,500 after she slipped on a soft drink and
broke her coccyx (tailbone). The beverage was on the floor because Ms.
Carson had thrown it at her boyfriend 30 seconds earlier during an argument.

2nd Place: Kara Walton of Claymont, Delaware, successfully sued the owner of
a night club in a neighboring city when she fell from the bathroom window to
the floor and knocked out her two front teeth. This occurred while Ms.
Walton was trying to sneak through the window in the ladies room to avoid
paying the $3.50 cover charge. She was awarded $12,000 and dental expenses.

1st Place: This year's run away winner was Mr. Merv Grazinski of Oklahoma
City, Oklahoma. Mr. Grazinski purchased a brand new 32-foot Winnebago motor
home. On his first trip home, (from an OU football game), having driven onto
the freeway, he set the cruise control at 70 mph and calmly left the drivers
seat to go into the back and make himself a cup of coffee. Not surprisingly,
the R.V. left the freeway, crashed and overturned. Mr. Grazinski sued
Winnebago for not advising him in the owner's manual that he couldn't
actually do this. The jury awarded him $1,750,000 plus a new motorhome. The
company actually changed their manuals on the basis of this suit, just in
case there were any other complete morons buying their recreation vehicles.

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