* Repeat offender Ernst Albrecht returns with a piece of Americana so heartwarming that -- except for the almost imperceptible addition of style, plot, character and humor -- you'll think you're reading one of those gooey things by Jan Karon. Thanks for reading The Big Jewel, and have a great week. --- Welcome To Moseville By Ernst Albrecht The rough-hewn sign read, "Welcome To Mosesville, Home Of The Twelve Tribes, State Football Champs 1989." On either side of the sign stood a totem pole which featured twelve crazy-looking faces. A grey-haired man stopped his car, took a picture of the totem poles, lit a cigarette and then drove on towards town. He pulled into the first gas station he came to and inquired, "I was told I might be able to find here a Miss Helen Slenderhoof, daughter of Felix Von Peckerpuss, alias Doctor Helmut Fink." "She no come here no more," said the swarthy hunchback from behind his black veil. "She kaput. Vamooshka. Fräulein a-go-go." A sneer of impatience came to the vistor's face. "Look, my name is Karl Trouzerpantz. I'm a hunter of Nazis. But you are in no danger. I hunt only the Nazis and their spiritual counterparts, the Saudis." The gas-station attendant's eyes widened in amazement. "You don't believe me?" asked Karl. "I will show you." He opened the trunk of his car. It contained a small arsenal: rifles, handguns, boxes of ammunition, a couple of peashooters, and also a burlap sack labeled BAIT. "Ten thousand dollars in gold Krugerrands," explained Mr. Trouzerpantz with a smile. "All Nazis are driven mad by gold. If you had been one I would already have caught you scratching at my trunk lid, howling like a hungry jackal. Now if you'll tell me where the townspeople are hidden, I'll give you a baby dinosaur." Full the full article please visit: http://www.thebigjewel.com/welcometomosesville/ --- To subscribe/unsubscribe from The Big Jewel's Hilarious Weekly Email, please start up your own weekly email service, sign us up, and send out the first email with your request in the subject line.