[thebigjewel] Welcome To Moseville - February 19, 2003

  • From: "The Big Jewel" <list@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx>
  • To: <thebigjewel@xxxxxxxxxxxxx>
  • Date: Wed, 19 Feb 2003 08:17:25 -0700 (MST)

* Repeat offender Ernst Albrecht returns with a piece of Americana so
heartwarming that -- except for the almost imperceptible addition of style,
plot, character and humor -- you'll think you're reading one of those gooey
things by Jan Karon. Thanks for reading The Big Jewel, and have a great


Welcome To Moseville
By Ernst Albrecht

The rough-hewn sign read, "Welcome To Mosesville, Home Of The Twelve
Tribes, State Football Champs 1989." On either side of the sign stood a
totem pole which featured twelve crazy-looking faces. A grey-haired man
stopped his car, took a picture of the totem poles, lit a cigarette and
then drove on towards town. He pulled into the first gas station he came to
and inquired, "I was told I might be able to find here a Miss Helen
Slenderhoof, daughter of Felix Von Peckerpuss, alias Doctor Helmut Fink."

"She no come here no more," said the swarthy hunchback from behind his
black veil. "She kaput. Vamooshka. Fräulein a-go-go."

A sneer of impatience came to the vistor's face. "Look, my name is Karl
Trouzerpantz. I'm a hunter of Nazis. But you are in no danger. I hunt only
the Nazis and their spiritual counterparts, the Saudis."

The gas-station attendant's eyes widened in amazement. "You don't believe
me?" asked Karl. "I will show you."

He opened the trunk of his car. It contained a small arsenal: rifles,
handguns, boxes of ammunition, a couple of peashooters, and also a burlap
sack labeled BAIT. "Ten thousand dollars in gold Krugerrands," explained
Mr. Trouzerpantz with a smile. "All Nazis are driven mad by gold. If you
had been one I would already have caught you scratching at my trunk lid,
howling like a hungry jackal. Now if you'll tell me where the townspeople
are hidden, I'll give you a baby dinosaur."

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  • » [thebigjewel] Welcome To Moseville - February 19, 2003