[thebigjewel] Moving Product + SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT - August 26, 2006

  • From: Kurtluchs@xxxxxxx
  • To: thebigjewel@xxxxxxxxxxxxx
  • Date: Wed, 26 Aug 2009 22:21:11 EDT

SPECIAL NOTE: You may notice when you visit our site this week that it 
suddenly looks different. That's because it IS different. Webmaster Seth 
Gow-Jarrett has brought us kicking and screaming into the 21st century, adding 
sorts of bells and whistles we've never had before. The most important is 
the ability to email an article to your friends, family and enemies, thus 
enabling you to join the ranks of spammers worldwide, a proud and august 
assemblage. You can now subscribe to The Big Jewel via email, RSS feed or 
(other methods will be added as they are outlawed by the Chinese). You can 
browse the archives by month and year, or by Author Cloud. To see more work by 
this week's author, simply click on their byline. Our blogroll of 
affiliated links is easily accessible on our home page and features other humor 
we endorse, including those by our authors. Enjoy!

And now, welcome to The Big Jewel, where "Frank Ferri Month" is drawing to 
a glorious close with week four. This week Mr. Ferri applies his gift of 
salesmanship to the cereal aisle:

Moving Product

By Frank Ferri

Hi! Are you buying or browsing? Great. Name’s Frank. You picked the perfect 
day to shop for cereal. End of month, deep discounts, movin’ units. You’re 
looking at Crispy Rice, generic Kellogg’s Rice Krispies. Affordable. But…I 
shouldn’t. Ah, what the hell. Between you and me, the generic doesn’t stay 
crispy as long in milk. I could lose my job steering you away from our 
store brand, but once you drive off the lot with a box, it loses half its 
And if I’m not upfront with you, you’re at the breakfast table with a bowl 
of mush cursing old Frank Ferri from Aisle 4...

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