[thebigjewel] Lake Delavan Days - December 25, 2002

  • From: "The Big Jewel" <list@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx>
  • To: thebigjewel@xxxxxxxxxxxxx
  • Date: Wed, 25 Dec 2002 10:59:21 -0700 (MST)

* Rather than bringing you Christmas in July, we bring you July at 
Christmas -- a harrowing tale of a family vacation gone awry, from the 
tattered boyhood diaries of Kurt Luchs. Happy holidays!

Lake Delavan Days
By Kurt Luchs

For others, the word "vacation" evokes idyllic childhood memories of 
family togetherness and carefree summer days spent at some garden spot by 
a seashore or lake. For me, "vacation" has always meant a special family 
time, too -- a time where families retreat far from civilization for the 
express purpose of torturing one another in an enclosed space without 
distractions. It doesn't take a $90-an-hour Freudian to trace this feeling 
directly back to that fateful Luchs family trip to Lake Delavan, 

The year was 1964. Kennedy was freshly planted in Arlington National 
Cemetery, having been killed (as Oliver Stone has since informed us) by a 
conspiracy involving 93 percent of the American people and at least two of 
Donald Duck's nephews, Huey and Dewey (although there is no direct 
evidence that Louie helped Oswald pull the trigger, he is now known to 
have been on a first-name basis with both Jack Ruby and Sirhan Sirhan). 
The Beatles were continuing their full frontal assault on America's youth. 
Viet Nam was becoming the number one vacation spot for draft-age U.S. 

The Luchses had just purchased a peculiar little foreign car, the Citroen 
2CV. This vehicle is several sizes larger than a Tonka Toy and almost as 
powerful. It's basically a Volkswagen Bug with an inferiority complex and 
only two cylinders. The man who sold it to us -- a family friend later 
convicted of extortion and threatening to set off a bomb in the San 
Francisco Hilton, but that's another story -- fondly described the 2CV 
as "the perfect desert fighting machine." He claimed that if you ran out 
of motor oil, you could always keep a Citroen going by filling the 
crankcase with ripe bananas. More than once our father caught us 
attempting to put this intriguing theory to the test. 

For the full article please visit: http://www.thebigjewel.com

It's Christmas, so we will not be entertaining and subscribe or 
unsubscribe requests from this email list. You should relax and forget 
about the clutter of emails in your inbox anyway -- now go stuff your face 
with figgy pudding.

Other related posts:

  • » [thebigjewel] Lake Delavan Days - December 25, 2002