[thebigjewel] Korner Variety Monthly Newsletter - October 16, 2002

  • From: "The Big Jewel" <list@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx>
  • To: thebigjewel@xxxxxxxxxxxxx
  • Date: Wed, 16 Oct 2002 11:50:06 -0600 (MDT)

* We're back. This week we feature a fake newsletter from a variety store 
manager to his employees. Sit back and take a look.

Korner Variety Monthly Newsletter
By Neil Pasricha
Volume III, Issue VII

Finely compiled, edited, printed, and distributed by Paul Shemp, Korner 
Variety Manager

Greetings Korner Variety part-time and full-time employees and welcome to 
the 31st issue of the Korner Variety Monthly Newsletter. As always, this 
edition comes to you hot off our self-serve photocopier by the freezer and 
folded into your pay check envelope with a Scratch 'N' Score ticket. And 
now, the news! 

Magazine Sign Upgrade

Our current magazine rack sign is in desperate need of repair. The 
current "Buy don't read the magazines. Not the library!" sign has grown 
sun-soaked to the point where the black lettering has faded into an 
embarrassing dull brown. Also, the corners are dog-eared, the Scotch tape 
holding the sign to the TV Guide rack is slipping, and someone has 
written "you're magazines suck!!!" on the sign in red pen. For our new 
sign I was thinking that we could go with "Do you see shelves of books and 
librarians here? No? That's because this isn't a library so please 
purchase your magazine before reading it!" I thought this new "added-
detail" message might hit home with more people. Andrew, please make this 
sign on your new computer before you head off to college. I've left a CD 
of clipart labeled "Paul's Personal Pics" for you under the counter and I 
recommend using the one of that duck in a business suit swinging the ball 
peen hammer at his computer. Please have the proofs ready for my approval 
by close of business Sunday. 

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