[thebigjewel] Firing Pretenses - July 25, 2007

  • From: "The Big Jewel" <list@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx>
  • To: <thebigjewel@xxxxxxxxxxxxx>
  • Date: Wed, 25 Jul 2007 07:32:41 -0600 (MDT)

Welcome to The Big Jewel, where we hire ourselves with pleasure every
morning and fire ourselves with even greater pleasure every night.

We don't usually run much topical humor. Other outlets (and other media)
tend to do that sort of thing better, for one thing. What's more, too many
writers confuse immediacy for wit and trendy political attitudes for
trenchant satire. We make an exception this week partly for personal
reasons. Your humble editor's wife attended Wheaton College with David
Iglesias, one of the eight U.S. attorneys fired by the Bush administration
under false pretenses in 2006. After college and law school, Iglesias
joined the Judge Advocate General Corps, where he became the lead defense
attorney in the case that inspired the play and movie "A Few Good Men."
That's right -- Tom Cruise played him on screen! Strange that such a
lawyer should be fired for "performance issues." But then maybe it was
Jack Nicholson making the decision, not Alberto Gonzales.

The other, less personal reason we wanted to run this piece is that we
like the oblique angle and goofy energy that Jim Stallard brings to it. We
hope you do, too. And if not...you're fired!

Firing Pretenses

By Jim Stallard

(Department of Justice conference room, sometime in January 2007)

Paul McNulty: All right, we have to move quickly on this. We've got to put
something out there right away about firing these eight attorneys, so
don't get hung up on consistency, but everyone has to stick to the story.

Kyle Sampson: I'm still worried they're going to start talking to the
press and cause us problems. This could look pretty bad.

Monica Goodling: Are we allowed to cut out their vocal cords?...

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  • » [thebigjewel] Firing Pretenses - July 25, 2007