[thebigjewel] A Note From A Purveyor Of Spirits - March 11, 2009

  • From: "The Big Jewel" <list@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx>
  • To: <thebigjewel@xxxxxxxxxxxxx>
  • Date: Wed, 11 Mar 2009 10:20:49 -0600 (MDT)

Welcome to The Big Jewel, where we take a hard stand against underage
drinking. And so, incidentally, does Mr. L. Burrow in his first piece for

A Note From A Purveyor Of Spirits To His Underage Clientele

By L. Burrow

Dear Sir or Madam:

Due to complications imposed by the current crackdown on underage alcohol
consumption, I can no longer provide you with wine coolers, watermelon
schnapps or dented cans of discount beer without valid identification.
This is a harsh buzzkill, I know. But a new day has dawned, and I will no
longer be a tackling dummy. As a matter of fact, I am a one-man riot
squad; a bulwark between a thirty-pack of Keystone Light and your wanting
funnels. If you are unconvinced; try me, imbecile...

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