GENIUS! Sheer genius! --- j duncan <whocanduncan@xxxxxxxxxxx> wrote: > Be safe this holiday weekend! > > "Sometimes when I reflect back on all the wine I drink I feel shame. > Then I > look into the glass and think about the workers in the vineyards and all > of > their hopes and dreams . If I didn't drink this wine, they might be out > of > work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, "It is > better that I drink this wine and let their dreams come true than be > selfish > and worry about my liver." > ~ Jack Handy > > WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the > hell > happened to your bra and panties. > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ > "I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the > morning, > that's as good as they're going to feel all day. " > ~Frank Sinatra > > WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are > > tougher, > smarter, faster and better looking than most people. > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ > "When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading." > ~ Henny Youngman > > WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are > laughing WITH you. > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ > "24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? I think not." > ~ Stephen Wright > > WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing. > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ > "When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we > > fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. > So, > let's all get drunk and go to heaven!" > ~ Brian O'Rourke > > WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause pregnancy. > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ > "Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy." > ~ Benjamin Franklin > > WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a > retard. > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ > "Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is > beer. > Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel > does > not go nearly as well with pizza." > ~ Dave Barry > > WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends > over > and over again that you love them. > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ > To some it's a six-pack, to me it's a Support Group. Salvation in a can! > ~ Dave Howell > > WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically > > converse with members of the opposite sex without spitting. > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ > And saving the best for last, as explained by Cliff Clavin, of Cheers. > > One afternoon at Cheers, Cliff Clavin was explaining the Buffalo Theory > to > his buddy Norm. > Here's how it went: > > "Well ya see, Norm, it's like this... A herd of buffalo can only move as > > fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the > slowest > and weakest ones at the back that are killed first This natural > selection is > good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of > the > whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest > members. > In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the > slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills > brain > cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells > first. > In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain > cells, > making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That's why you > always > feel smarter after a few beers." > > _________________________________________________________________ > Get live scores and news about your team: Add the Live.com Football Page > > www.live.com/?addtemplate=football&icid=T001MSN30A0701 > > > __________________________________________________ Do You Yahoo!? Tired of spam? Yahoo! Mail has the best spam protection around http://mail.yahoo.com