I'm looking forward to seeing our Austin buddy next week. But remember, Chi
Chi seems to bring the "best" out of all of us. I find these latest Darwin
awards timely....
HERE ARE THE 2016 DARWIN AWARDS
Eighth Place
In Detroit, a 41-year-old man got stuck and drowned in two feet of water
after squeezing his head through an 18-inch-wide sewer grate to retrieve his
car keys.
Seventh Place
A 49-year-old San Francisco stockbroker, who "totally zoned when he ran",
accidentally jogged off a 100-foot high cliff on his daily run.
Sixth Place
While at the beach, Daniel Jones, 21, dug an 8 foot hole for protection from
the wind and had been sitting in a beach chair at the bottom, when it
collapsed, burying him beneath 5 feet of sand. People on the beach used their
hands and shovels trying to get him out but could not reach him. It took
rescue workers using heavy equipment almost an hour to free him. Jones was
pronounced dead at a hospital.
Fifth Place
Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed as he fell through the ceiling of a bicycle
shop he was burglarizing. Death was caused when the long flashlight he had
placed in his mouth to keep his hands free rammed into the base of his skull
as he hit the floor.
Fourth Place
Sylvester Briddell, Jr., 26, was killed as he won a bet with friends who said
he would not put a revolver loaded with four bullets into his mouth and pull
the trigger.
Third Place
After stepping around a marked police patrol car parked at the front door, a
man walked into H&J Leather & Firearms intent on robbing the store. The shop
was full of customers and a uniformed officer was standing at the counter.
Upon seeing the officer, the would-be robber announced a hold-up and fired a
few wild shots from a target pistol.
The officer and a clerk promptly returned fire, and several customers also
drew their guns and fired. The robber was pronounced dead at the scene by
Paramedics. Crime scene investigators located 47 expended cartridge cases in
the shop. The subsequent autopsy revealed 23 gunshot wounds. Ballistics
identified rounds from 7 different weapons. No one else was hurt.
HONORABLE MENTION
Paul Stiller, 47, and his wife Bonnie were bored just driving around at 2
A.M. so they lit a quarter stick of dynamite to toss out the window to see
what would happen. Apparently they failed to notice that the window was
closed.
RUNNER UP
Kerry Bingham had been drinking with several friends when one of them said
they knew a person who had bungee-jumped from a local bridge in the middle of
traffic. The conversation grew more excited, and at least 10 men trooped
along the walkway of the bridge at 4:30 AM. Upon arrival at the midpoint of
the bridge, they discovered that no one had brought a bungee rope. Bingham,
who had continued drinking, volunteered and pointed out that a coil of
lineman's cable lay nearby. They secured one end around Bingham's leg and
then tied the other to the bridge. His fall lasted 40 feet before the cable
tightened and tore his foot off at the ankle. He miraculously survived his
fall into the icy water and was rescued by two nearby fishermen. Bingham's
foot was never located.
AND THE WINNER IS....
Zookeeper Friedrich Riesfeldt ( Paderborn , Germany ) fed his constipated
elephant 22 doses of animal laxative and more than a bushel of berries, figs
and prunes before the plugged-up pachyderm finally got relief. Investigators
say ill-fated Friedrich, 46, was attempting to give the ailing elephant an
olive oil enema when the relieved beast unloaded.
The sheer force of the elephant's unexpected defecation knocked Mr Riesfeldt
to the ground where he struck his head on a rock as the elephant continued to
evacuate 200 pounds of dung on top of him. It seems to be just one of those
freak accidents that proves... 'Sh*t happens'
IT ALWAYS SEEMS IMPORTANT TO THANK THESE PEOPLE FOR REMOVING THEMSELVES FROM
THE GENE POOL.
