[SKRIVA] Sf-fans är finniga losers...
- From: "Ahrvid Engholm" <ahrvid@xxxxxxxxxxxx>
- To: "skriva@xxxxxxxxxxxxx" <skriva@xxxxxxxxxxxxx>
- Date: Sat, 09 Jun 2007 10:24:43 +0200
(Från en utländsk lista... --AE)
In 6939, the time capsule buried at the 1939 New York's World Fair will be
opened by some genetically engineered descendent of the human race with a
super-sized cranium [you read it here first!]. Inside, he'll find a number
of pulp magazines that -- like Taylor's archeological dig -- will give him
a
glimpse of what early 20th century man was like.
Specifically, he'll be able to diagnose a small sickly sub-section of
humanity -- the pulp readers -- simply from the advertisements!
Here's what Thrilling Wonder Stories 12/1937 tells us about the average
readership.
Clearly the poor soul seldom leaves his bed. All that lying about has
turned
him into a 98-pound weakling [Charles Atlas to the rescue!].
Its probably 'cause he's a hideous ogre, suffering from runaway acne [both
Baumburgh Products and Marvo Beauty Labs have a cure!] and no teeth [Dr S B
Heininger offers false teeth -- with a 60-day trial! Makes you wonder where
the ones you bought came from!]. Plus he has a hormone imbalance [Zo-ak Co.
has a pill for the doomed "Men Past 40"] that has made him resemble an ape
[Probak and Star offer shaving products]
Poor guy is also constipated [Ex-Lax, Adlerika Co.], has bad kidneys
[Cystex, Gold Medal Haarlem Oils], is ruptued [Brooks Appliance Co.], has
prostate problems [Prostex Co. and Midwest Products], piles [Dr Van Vleck,
The McCleary Clinic] and a bad back [Gold Medal Haarlem Oils again]
Heck, even if he COULD get lucky, he's infertile! [Dr H Will Elders has a
cure]
He's clearly out of work [there are ads for training as a radio technician,
musician, drafting, forestry, private investigator and a plethora of
government jobs] -- but thats OK 'cause he has a sick benefit policy [from
National Protective Insurance Co.]
He wouldn't dare leave the house anyway even if he could, since Eveready
has
an ad telling him he'll be swept away by a flood [reinforced by a Jack
Binder cartoon of the Second Deluge]. Worrying about this has clearly given
him an ulcer [Twin City Von Co.] and high blood pressure [National Utona
Co]
Breathing is no easy task either. He's either suffering from asthma [W K
Sterline] or the common cold [Luden's Menthol Cough Drops, F J Cheney and
Co. for nasal congestion].
From all this, our future historian will suddenly realize that all those
theories about why the pulps went unread circa 1950 were wrong. It wasn't
TV -- it was the non-stop itching!! [so sez D D D Prescription]
--
ahrvid@xxxxxxxxxxxx/ahrvid@xxxxxxxxxxx/tel 073-68622[53+mercersdag]
Pangram för 29 sv bokstäver: Yxskaftbud, ge vår wczonmö iqhjälp!
Novelltävling, info http://www.skriva.bravewriting.com - gå med!
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