[ SHOWGSD-L ] training to whelp a litter
- From: ELG440@xxxxxxx
- To: showgsd-l@xxxxxxxxxxxxx
- Date: Sun, 3 Jul 2005 22:41:35 EDT
In a message dated 7/3/2005 10:47:45 A.M. Pacific Standard Time,
texasgsds@xxxxxxxxx writes:
How did you gain knowledge and experience in whelping a litter before you
bred and whelped your first litter?
The best training would be done in ten easy steps.
1. Stand at the top of a tall seven story building on a ledge, and then
drop at least five floors, and try to land on that ledge as you go by. This
will help you understand the emotions you will have when the first puppy comes
into the world.
2. Stay awake four night in a row, and try to sit in as uncomfortable a
position as you can. Be sure you don't have a blanket or pillow. You must sit
on the floor for this time.
3. Find a way to let your bitch lie down next to you, and set the outside
area on fire, so that you can panic every time she tries to go out.
4. Turn off all your electricity on the coldest day of the year, and stuff
up the chimney on the fireplace so the house fills with smoke. (You can get
the same effect by turning off the electricity on the hottest day, and have
all the ice in your refrigerator melt when you need it).
5. Wait until you need a medication at the last minute, but take the
battery out of your car, so you can't go anywhere to get it. Insulin works
well
for this situation, but only if you are diabetic.
6. Take a piece of egg plant, and try to tie a knot around it with string,
after you slather it with butter. You can only use one hand, as you have to
keep your bitch away from the egg plant.
7. Find the most disgusting bloody thing you can think of, and then learn
to move it from hand to hand, while you eat a baloney sandwich. Cow
intestines seem to work well for this experiment.
8. Buy as many movies as you can where you can hear screaming, and record
the screams, then play them over and over. When you no longer notice them,
you are ready to whelp a litter.
9. Drive ten miles from home, and then try to get back in less than 20
seconds. It is best if you have a small car, and it is icy, but there are
alternative such as a rocky windy road, or one with lots of older drivers in
front
of you.
10. Take an important month of your life, and give it up. Don't call
anyone, don't answer the phone, refuse any deliveries, and make sure you don't
watch television, go on line, or listen to books on tape.
You are now ready to whelp a litter.
NOT THAT THERE IS ANYTHING WRONG WITH THAT.
\
Evan
_Asgard German Shepherds_ (http://www.asgardgsd.com/)
http://www.asgardgsd.com/
Where Type Movement and Temperament come together
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