[ SHOWGSD-L ] the Miracle of Birth...a video

  • From: Peggy <pmick12@xxxxxxxxxxx>
  • To: showgsd-l@xxxxxxxxxxxxx
  • Date: Fri, 13 Jul 2007 15:11:17 -0400

OK, I was a little off in memory...it isn't a poem, it's an 
advertisement for a video.  Please read this all the way thru........
Peggy

  ANNOUNCING THE MIRACLE OF BIRTH VIDEO TAPE

ANNOUNCING "THE MIRACLE OF BIRTH" VIDEOTAPE Intended for all those who 
want to breed little Fluffy in order to let their children experience 
the "miracle" of birth, this real-time video tape set can either 
substitute for home breeding or guide you in making the most of your 
breeding decision.

    * Experience the joys of seeing a live puppy pop effortlessly from
      its mother's body and see her consume the bloody afterbirth! (Most
      children will squeal with delight when seeing this for the first
      time - many will make a life-long commitment to celibacy then and
      there.)

    * Enjoy watching the frantic efforts of a breeder trying to
      resuscitate a still-born puppy.

    * See the hilarious actions of a bitch who searches for the puppy
      she thinks she just dropped but which was quickly tossed into the
      wastebasket because it was only a blackened, half-developed fetus.

    * Reserve a full 36 hours to see the entire set of tapes in one
      sitting to really share the drama, boredom, and exhaustion of the
      breeder as she labors to help her struggling bitch in extended labor.

    * Watch as a breeder tries to recruit several helpers to carry her
      dying bitch to the car for transport to the nearest animal
      hospital in a futile attempt at saving the beloved family pet.
      (Seeing the children crying and asking what is happening is half
      the fun!)

    * Follow the fun as a breeder and their spouse alternate duties
      during a full week of 4-hour bottle feedings with a fading puppy
      while also trying to keep 13 others dry and healthy!

And, as an extra added attraction:

    * Laugh with us at the madcap antics of a typical shelter worker as
      she accepts new animals while keeping a straight face as mom and
      dad assure little Kevin that the nice lady will take VERY GOOD
      care of 8-year floppy. Enjoy the thrills as she later shoves
      unwanted puppies and adult dogs into a gas chamber as she chokes
      back tears and goes home to try and explain to her children just
      what she does at work!

    * And, for a limited time only, we will include free of charge the
      video tape of a recent arrest made by the local animal control
      officer who discovered that someone had falsely declared his male
      dogs neutered (to save on license fees) and when discovered was
      planning to do the job himself at home!

The second half of the same bonus tape shows the chagrin of a backyard 
breeder who was tracked down from her telephone number which was all she 
ever gave out. This wonderful person would arrange to meet people at 
local shopping malls where she handed over her 4-5 week-old puppies for 
$120 each! We were all amazed to find that those 20 puppies she was 
selling each year all came from the same single bitch and dog.

Yes, if you, or a friend, are considering breeding Fluffy to show 
children the "miracle" of birth, be sure to get this video and show them 
the miracle of death at the same time!

We have high hopes for this video, following as it does on the 
tremendous success of our first effort: "Doit yourself home vasectomy, 
featuring George "squeaky" Baker," and its sequel, "Doit yourself home 
explosives mixing, by Bob "lefty" Anderson."

Special to the first five purchasers, one frozen still-born puppy - just 
wait until you take it home and see how the kids' eyes light up as the 
pup thaws!!

Copyright 1996, John A. McCormick, President and CEO, Nocturnal Aviation 
Videos.

Reproduction and distribution of this advertisement in its entirety 
strongly encouraged.

Phone, e-mail, or postal orders NOT accepted, this tape is sold ONLY in 
person because I REALLY want to meet you.

------------------------------------------------------------------------


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