[ SHOWGSD-L ] new list rules
- From: Peggy <pmick12@xxxxxxxxxxx>
- To: Showgsd-l <Showgsd-l@xxxxxxxxxxxxx>
- Date: Wed, 03 Jan 2007 22:11:06 -0500
Actually, these will work on ANY dog list.............
Peggy
Dear Fellow Dog Enthusiast
Does it seem like every time you try and post a question or comment to a dog
list, you get yourself into trouble? If so, then this list is for you. If
you religiously follow all of the rules on this Official DON'T list, you'll
never get in trouble again.
The Official Dog Enthusiast's DON'T List
DON'T let your dog sleep in your bed. It will cause aggression problems down
the road.
DON'T make your dog sleep in a crate. Crate is just another word for small
cage.
DON'T let your dog sleep outside at night. If God had wanted dogs to sleep
outside, he would have covered their body with hair to keep them warm.
DON'T let your dog sleep. You should be playing with him all the time.
DON'T keep more than two dogs. Each individual dog requires considerable
time and energy, and it is impossible for a responsible dog owner to spend
quality time with more than two dogs.
DON'T keep less than five dogs. Dogs are pack animals, and five dogs is the
minimum number for proper socialization.
DON'T feed your dog kibble. Kibble is the invention of evil capitalists who
want your money, and kibble has no nutritional value whatsoever. You might
as well feed your dog sawdust.
DON'T cook your dog's meat or chicken. Cooking destroys all the nutrients.
DON'T feed your dog raw meat or raw chicken. Raw food contains salmonella,
e-coli, and other harmful bacteria.
DON'T let your dog drink out of a plastic bowl. It will turn his nose pink.
DON'T post messages to a dog list. You will surely get bopped on the head
for thinking that someone else cares about your silly little opinions.
DON'T poke your eye with a sharp stick. It has nothing to do with dogs, but
it's a good rule nonetheless.
DON'T microchip your dog. A nearby cell phone can cause a microchipped dog
to explode, or so says the lady running the tattoo booth.
DON'T tattoo your dog on the ear. A dog thief will cut off the tattooed ear.
DON'T tattoo your dog on the thigh. He'll be a tripod before you can say
Ginsu.
DON'T keep a collar on your dog when unattended. He could get caught on
something and choke.
DON'T leave your dog unattended without a collar. He could run away without
any identification.
DON'T transport your dog in a plastic crate. Plastic crates don't allow
sufficient air flow.
DON'T transport your dog in a wire crate. In a car accident, a wire crate
transforms into a doggie skewer. On days you plan to have a car accident,
it's acceptable to use a plastic crate.
DON'T let your dog drive. It's against the law in many states.
DON'T enter your dog in conformation. It's b-o-r-i-n-g for the dog.
DON'T enter your dog in obedience. It's B-o-r-i-n-g with a capital "B."
DON'T enter your dog in agility. The jumps will injure his joints.
DON'T send your dog out with a handler. Only a psychopath would send their
beloved pet with a complete stranger.
DON'T handle your dog yourself. You've got a great dog, and he deserves a
much better handler than you will ever be.
DON'T get a purebred dog. Too much inbreeding has produced dogs with
temperament and health problems.
DON'T get a mutt. You don't know anything about their pedigree. In fact, if
you're thinking about getting a dog, get a cat instead.
DON'T don't. That's right, you heard me, just don't!
DON'T leave your dog's dewclaws intact. He will rip one off jumping a log or
something, which is quite painful.
DON'T remove your dog's dewclaws. Dewclaws are acupuncture points that are
needed for proper functioning of the kidneys.
AND, the #1 DON'T ....
DON'T trim your dog's whiskers. Dogs use their whiskers to determine the
size of their head, which is important when they are out shopping for a new
hat.
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