[ SHOWGSD-L ] Re: and how is your day
- From: "Brenda Shepard" <tashina1@xxxxxxxxxxxxx>
- To: <showgsd-l@xxxxxxxxxxxxx>
- Date: Fri, 16 Feb 2007 20:34:10 -0800
That was great!
Brenda
Sho-Gun German Shepherd's
-----Original Message-----
From: showgsd-l@xxxxxxxxxxxxx [mailto:showgsd-l@xxxxxxxxxxxxx]On Behalf
Of shirley sommers
Sent: Friday, February 16, 2007 5:45 PM
To: sally@xxxxxxxxxxx; showgsd-l@xxxxxxxxxxxxx
Subject: [ SHOWGSD-L ] Re: and how is your day
Sally ,
You say you wanna joke ??? Heheheeh
Lizard Birthing Story...
If you have raised kids (or been one), and gone through the pet syndrome
including toilet-flush burials for dead goldfish, the story below will have
you laughing out LOUD! Overview: I had to take my son's lizard to the vet
Here's what happened:
Just after dinner one night, my son came up to tell me there was
"something wrong" with one of the two lizards he holds prisoner in his room.
"He's just lying there looking sick," he told me. "I'm serious,
Dad. Can you help?"
I put my best lizard-healer statement on my face and followed him
into his bedroom. One of the little lizards was indeed lying on his back,
looking stressed. I immediately knew what to do.
"Honey," I called, "come look at the lizard!"
"Oh my gosh," my wife diagnosed after a minute. "She's having
babies."
"What?" my son demanded. "But their names are Bert and Ernie,
Mom!" I was equally outraged.
"Hey, how can that be? I thought we said we didn't want them to
reproduce," I accused my wife.
"Well, what do you want me to do, post a sign in their cage?"
she inquired. (I actually think she said this sarcastically!)
"No, but you were supposed to get two boys!" I reminded her, (in my most
loving, calm, sweet voice, while gritting my teeth together).
"Yeah, Bert and Ernie!" my son agreed.
"Well, it's just a little hard to tell on some guys, you know," she
informed me. (again with the sarcasm, you think?)
By now the rest of the family had gathered to see what was going
on. I shrugged, deciding to make the best of it
Kids, this is going to be a wondrous experience, I announced.
"We're about to witness the miracle of birth."
Oh, gross!" they shrieked.
"Well, isn't THAT just great! What are we going to do with a litter of
tiny little lizard babies?" my wife wanted to know. (I really do think she
was being snotty here, too. Don't you?)
We peered at the patient. After much struggling, what looked like a
tiny foot would appear briefly, vanishing a scant second later.
"We don't appear to be making much progress," I noted.
"It's breech," my wife whispered, horrified.
"Do something, Dad!" my son urged.
"Okay, okay." Squeamishly, I reached in and grabbed the foot when it next
appeared, giving it a gingerly tug. It disappeared. I tried
several more times with the same results.
"Should I call 911," my eldest daughter wanted to know. "Maybe they
could talk us through the trauma." (You see a pattern here with the
females in my house?)
"Let's get Ernie to the vet," I said grimly.
We drove to the vet with my son holding the cage in his lap.
"Breathe, Ernie, breathe," he urged.
"I don't think lizards do Lamaze," his mother noted to him. (Women can be
so cruel to their own young. I mean what she does to me is one thing, but
this boy is of her womb, for God's sake.)
The Vet took Ernie back to the examining room and peered at the
little animal through a magnifying glass.
"What do you think, Doc, a C-section?" I suggested scientifically.
"Oh, very interesting," he murmured. "Mr. and Mrs. Cameron, may I
speak to you privately for a moment?" I gulped, nodding for my son
to step outside.
"Is Ernie going to be okay?" my wife asked.
"Oh, perfectly," the Vet assured us. "This lizard is not in
labor. In fact, that isn't EVER going to happen... Ernie is a boy. You
see, Ernie is a young male. And occasionally, as they come into maturity,
like most male species, they um....um....masturbate. Just the way he
did,lying on his back." He blushed, glancing at my wife. "Well, you know
what I'm saying,Mr. Cameron."
We were silent, absorbing this.
"So Ernie's just...just... excited," my wife offered.
"Exactly," the vet replied, relieved that we understood.
More silence. Then my viscous, cruel wife started to giggle. And
giggle. And then even laugh loudly.
"What's so funny?" I demanded, knowing, but not believing that the woman I
married would commit the upcoming affront to my flawless manliness.
Tears were now running down her face. "It's just...that... I'm
picturing you pulling on its... its...teeny little..." she gasped
for more air to bellow in laughter once more.
"That's enough," I warned. We thanked the Vet and hurriedly bundled
the lizards and our son back into the car. He was glad everything was
going to be okay.
"I know Ernie's really thankful for what you've done, Dad," he told
me. "Oh, you have NO idea," my wife agreed, collapsing with laughter.
2 - Lizards - $140...
1 - Cage - $50...
Trip to the Vet - $30...
Memory of your husband pulling on a lizard's wacker .....
Priceless
Sally <sally@xxxxxxxxxxx> wrote:
Oh great - it is 11 degrees with chill factor of -5
The wind is from the south at 25 mph - so now it blows the snow from the
south corn fields into my kennel runs which already have 4-5 ft of snow in
them from the north fields and we are supposed to get up to 4 more inches
tonight
16 dogs have been in the basement in cages since first thing Tuesday
morning -They have been rotated in and out 4 times a day I have done the
basement stairs about 50 times a day- and I have a bitch in season ready
to be bred and all the boys are telling me about it
My husband calls and says a cow is delivering early he needs help getting
her in - I am up to my knees in snow but the bs is at least frozen here BUT
NOT HERE ON THE LIST
Some one wonders if people care about their dogs as much as another person
does.
Right now I don't really care about Andrew Hunte nor do I care about the
enablers.
Some one put a good joke on I need it because the forecast calls for rain
at the beginning of the week =great just what I need on top of 5 ft of snow.
Sally
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POST is Copyrighted 2007. All material remains the property of the original
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kind are permitted without prior permission of the original author AND of
the Showgsd-l Management. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.
ALL PERSONS ARE ON NOTICE THAT THE FORWARDING, REPRODUCTION OR USE IN ANY
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PROSECUTED.
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POST is Copyrighted 2007. All material remains the property of the original
author and of GSD Communication, Inc. NO REPRODUCTIONS or FORWARDS of any kind
are permitted without prior permission of the original author AND of the
Showgsd-l Management. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.
ALL PERSONS ARE ON NOTICE THAT THE FORWARDING, REPRODUCTION OR USE IN ANY
MANNER OF ANY MATERIAL WHICH APPEARS ON SHOWGSD-L WITHOUT THE EXPRESS
PERMISSION OF ALL PARTIES TO THE POST AND THE LIST MANAGEMENT IS EXPRESSLY
FORBIDDEN, AND IS A VIOLATION OF LAW. VIOLATORS OF THIS PROHIBITION WILL BE
PROSECUTED.
For assistance, please contact the List Management at admin@xxxxxxxxxxxx
VISIT OUR WEBSITE - www.showgsd.org
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