[ SHOWGSD-L ] USA GEOGRAPHY
- From: "David Fritsche" <d_fritsche@xxxxxxxxxx>
- To: <showgsd-l@xxxxxxxxxxxxx>
- Date: Fri, 25 Sep 2009 16:43:40 -0700
> midget car racing and a dairy queen sundae just perfect for the victory
> dinner
> Sally
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Now, I'm going to get serious here and settle this thing once and for all....
Seriously!!!
You see, the reason we have different numbers of dogs entered is because of two
things: Location and judging. As long as we are opinionated about both things,
then we will always have hastles finding a good place.
So I suggest that we have another draw so that our entries are more consistent
and to that location is less of an issue. You see, if we include something
really special in our nationals, we will find people from all over coming to
the event and supporting us.
Here's what I suggest: A National GSDCA SHow and Chili Cook Off....
Now I know what your thinking, but hold on and hear me out. This is serious, as
I said before.
Reno Has an annual Chili Cook Off and draws thousands of people from all over
the nation. In face, I have a friend named Frank (Not the one running for
President of the GSDCA - another one - well, both are my firneds, but I talking
about our local Frank). Frank migh be available to come to our National Dog
SHow and Chili Cook Off and judge as he is now a seasoned national judge....
Here is what he says:
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Frank: "Recently, I was honored to be selected as a judge at a chili cook-off.
The original person called in sick at the last moment and I happened to be
standing there at the judge's table asking for directions to the Coors Light
truck, when the call came in. I was assured by the other two judges (Native
Texans) that the chili wouldn't be all that spicy and, besides, they told me I
could have free beer during the
>>CHILI # 1 - MIKE 'S MANIAC MONSTER CHILI...
>>Judge # 1 -- A little too heavy on the tomato. Amusing kick.
>>Judge # 2 -- Nice, smooth tomato flavor. Very mild.
>>Judge # 3 (Frank) -- Holy smoke, what the hell is this stuff? You could
>>remove dried paint from your driveway. Took me two beers to put the flames
>>out. I hope that's the worst one. These Texans are crazy.
>>CHILI # 2 - AUSTIN'S AFTERBURNER CHILI...
>>Judge # 1 -- Smoky, with a hint of pork. Slight jalapeno tang.
>>Judge # 2 -- Exciting BBQ flavor, needs more peppers to be taken seriously.
>>Judge # 3 -- Keep this out of the reach of children. I'm not sure what I'm
>>supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted to
>>give me the Heimlich maneuver. They had to rush in more beer when they saw
>>the look on my face.
>>CHILI # 3 - FRED'S FAMOUS BURN DOWN THE BARN CHILI...
>>Judge # 1 -- Excellent firehouse chili. Great kick.
>>Judge # 2 -- A bit salty, good use of peppers.
>>Judge # 3 -- Call the EPA. I've located a uranium spill. My nose feels like I
>>have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now. Get me more beer
>>before I ignite. Barmaid pounded me on the back, now my backbone is in the
>>front part of my chest. I'm getting s*^_ faced from all of the beer.
>>CHILI # 4 - BUBBA'S BLACK MAGIC...
>>Judge # 1 -- Black bean chili with almost no spice. Disappointing.
>>Judge # 2 -- Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or
>>other mild foods, not much of a chili.
>>Judge # 3 -- I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to
>>taste it. Is it possible to burn out taste buds? Sally, the beer maid, was
>>standing behind me with fresh refills. That 300-LB woman is starting to look
>>HOT...just like this nuclear waste I'm eating! Is chili an aphrodisiac?
>>CHILI # 5 LISA'S LEGAL LIP REMOVER...
>>Judge # 1 -- Meaty, strong chili. Cayenne peppers freshly ground, adding
>>considerable kick. Very impressive.
>>Judge # 2 -- Chili using shredded beef, could use more tomato. Must admit the
>>cayenne peppers make a strong statement.
>>Judge # 3 -- My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead and I can
>>no longer focus my eyes. I broke wind and four people behind me needed
>>paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her chili had
>>given me brain damage. Sally saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring beer
>>directly on it from the pitcher. I wonder if I'm burning my lips off. It
>>really made me mad that the other judges asked me to stop screaming. Nuts to
>>those rednecks.
>>CHILI # 6 - VERA'S VERY VEGETARIAN VARIETY...!
>>Judge # 1 -- Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Good balance of spices
>>nd peppers.
>>Judge # 2 -- The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, and garlic.
>>Superb.
>>Judge # 3 -- My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous,
>>sulfuric flames. I think someting else cam out when I broke wind and I'm
>>worried it will eat through the chair. No one seems inclined to stand behind
>>me except that Sally. Can't feel my lips anymore. I need to wipe my behind
>>with a snow cone.
>>CHILI # 7 - SUSAN'S SCREAMING SENSATION CHILI..
>>Judge # 1 -- A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned peppers.
>>Judge # 2 -- Ho hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw! Added in a can of
>>chili peppers at the last moment. **I should take note that I am worried
>>about Judge # 3. He appears to be in a bit of distress as he is cursing
>>uncontrollably.
>>Judge # 3 -- You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I
>>wouldn't feel a thing. I've lost sight in one eye, and the world sounds like
>>it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with chili, which slid
>>unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of lava to match my shirt. At
>>least during the autopsy, they'll decided to stop breathing it's too painful.
>>Nuts to it; I'm not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air, I'll just suck
>>it in through the 4-inch hole in my stomach.
>>CHILI # 8 - BIG TOM'S TOENAIL CURLING CHILI...
>>Judge # 1 -- The perfect ending, this is a nice blend chili. Not too bold but
>>spicy enough to declare its existence.
>>Judge # 2 -- This final entry is a good, balanced chili. Neither mild nor
>>hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge #3 passed gass, passed
>>out, fell over and pulled the chili pot down on top of himself. Not sure if
>>he's going to make it. poor feller, wonder how he'd have reacted to really
>>hot chili?
>>Judge # 3 - No Report
See, this could be fun!
Have a good laugh and I don't really care where we hold the national. I'll get
there if I can - or not!
Dave
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