[ SHOWGSD-L ] The Kilgour Monologues
- From: "Jack Kilgour" <jackkilgour@xxxxxxx>
- To: <showgsd-l@xxxxxxxxxxxxx>, <ELG440@xxxxxxx>
- Date: Thu, 11 Aug 2011 14:32:58 -0700
Dear Diary,
I'm unclear why it seems to take confusion, frustration and turmoil for me to
turn to you for some sort of relief. Why can't I be like most people on these
"Lists" who sit down to write when they're feeling focused, informed and so
full of positive energy. Perhaps I should have considered checking in with
that substitute psychiatrist when mine went on Maternity Leave...sigh...the
nerve of her anyway...going out to procreate when I'm quite clearly in need of
a few more years of "work". Oh..wait a second, maybe she just changed offices
and needed a break from all my stuff...who can I really trust anymore? What's
going on behind her closed doors? Who is coaching her to make these decisions
and why don't I feel "invited" in on matters directly affecting me?
So I think I need to continue to read that original BHI Award post Evan wrote.
Just when I thought I was clear on what he was saying...I'm now reading other's
responses and I'm quite certain I took him the wrong way. Darn it...is he in
support of free/low cost litter nominations or against it? Oh I suppose the
real issue is not what he thinks, but what he inspired ME to think and say on
the issue. He's a good egg, that's for sure...Although admittedly I wouldn't
want him gunning for me on a regular basis...but that's kind of the thing with
him...it's almost "magical" how this duality exists in his prose...I so often
envision his open arms when I read his post.... where he is welcoming me and
others into a friendly embrace! I just have to wonder why I hear my ribs
cracking at that point of hug/impact? Is that sound just in my mind? <insert
jack's deer-in-the-headlights look here>...o.k. so I best "google"
substitute-shrinks dot darn com and put that one on the shelf for now.
Thankfully I know this rambling nonsense goes no further, and certainly not to
his attention (not that there'd be anything wrong with that)..."what's
that?"..."shut up Paul?" Anyway, I'm bound and determined to stay away from
that Ginsburg-House-of-Mirrors because I know I'm not strong enough to deal
right now. "Just say 'no'" (or is that "know") to the Evanisms that leave you
inspired and tired all at the same time.
In the meantime, I should keep reading the Board-O-Gram, keep asking questions
and keep getting my rest. Maybe that "Sheep Herding Instinct
Test"....OMG...OMG...I just got the acronym thing...see ...there is hope by
paying some attention to Evan...he really does have a sense of humor...he does
love me and everyone else on that list...he quite obviously is not from the
"Mothership" I'm from, but that doesn't make him different or someone to fear,
does it? O.K. if he goes to hug me in Topeka, just trust it will be o.k. (but
perhaps wear a protective body casing), and I should remember a handshake could
involve some sort of ace of spades or other shock to the system...keep you're
Poker-face on Jack.
He's just Evan, and even writing this has helped me to appreciate him
more...<jack-deer-look again>...(flashback)...but what did he mean when he
questioned Jane Kerner about her town of Residence? Something like "how do you
know 'Eagle, WI' actually exists"...<insert his herding acronym here>...I'll
never quite figure him out.. but I'm sure glad to call him a friend.
Thank you Diary...I'm feeling better already!
jack xo
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