[ SHOWGSD-L ] Pet Rules - Someone asked for a Joke...here it is!
- From: "Gail Rutter" <ruttergsd@xxxxxxxxxxx>
- To: <showgsd-l@xxxxxxxxxxxxx>
- Date: Thu, 17 Aug 2006 19:16:26 -0500
>
>> Subject: Pet Rules
>>
>>
>> To be posted VERY LOW on the refrigerator door - nose height.
>>
>> Dear Dogs and Cats,
>>
>> The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other
>> dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in
>> the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming
>> your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the
>> slightest.
>>
>> The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack.
>>
>> Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help
>> because I fall faster than you can run.
>>
>> I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about
>> this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your
>> comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It
>> is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to
>> the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out
>> and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing
>> but sarcasm.
>>
>> For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by
>> some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not
>> necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw
>> under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the
>> same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years
>> --canine or feline attendance is not required.
>>
>> The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's behind.
>> I cannot stress this enough!
>>
>> To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on our
>> front door:
>>
>> To All Non-Pet Owners Who Visit & Like to Complain About Our Pets:
>>
>> 1. They live here. You don't.
>> 2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture.
>> (That's why they call it "fur"niture.)
>> 3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
>> 4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who
>> is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.
>>
>> Remember: Dogs and cats are better than kids because they:
>>
>> 1. Eat less
>> 2. Don't ask for money all the time
>> 3 Are easier to train
>> 4. Normally come when called
>> 5. Never ask to drive the car
>> 6. Don't hang out with drug-using friends
7. Don't smoke or drink
8. >> Don't have to buy the latest fashions
9. Don't want to wear your clothes
>> 10. Don't need a gazillion dollars for college, and...
>> 11. If they get pregnant, you can sell their children.
>>
>> AMEN AND AMEN!
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