[ SHOWGSD-L ] Re: Job Description of the German Shepherd - anyone?
- From: "Medusas Mom" <medusasmom1@xxxxxxxxx>
- To: cyndy@xxxxxxxxxxxxxx
- Date: Thu, 18 Sep 2008 08:04:35 -0700
GERMAN SHEPHERD employment options.............
Babysitter (for anything that needs watching. prefer live in 24/7 position)
Dishwasher (better then pre soak and stubborn food remover is standard in
all units)
Housekeeping ( Instant removal of food dropped and spills!Lifetime
unconditionally guaranteed! free upgrade to include toilet and
yard cleaning and cat litter box maintenance!)
Coffeetable Dusters (most units have a powerful built in self running motor
that not only dusts but clears surface of items occupying flat surfaces)
car alarm(self setting audible with optional visual deterrent and/or silent
alarm available in some models)
foot warmer(authentic fur with built in natural warming ability.Especially
useful in small cramped areas like bathrooms,in front of sinks and under
tables.Older units tend to be very heavy and are known to cause temporary
loss of feeling in feet.A few models come with harsh textured foot washing
built in.)
body pillow (your body will learn to naturally contour to this warm, heavy
full body pillow! Each unit provides distributed dry
and occasionally wet/moist heat which is transferred to the human sleeper.
Many models come with audible vibrating motion and/or spontaneous delivery
aroma therapy and automatic alarm clocks are standard)
face washer(self explanatory but BEWARE your unit is not moonlighting as a
housekeeper!!!)
gender identification (Self starting models to check the gender in anything
that has one! The expert models have a built in mandatory recheck feature
that is activated several times per subject)
Product tester (Originally used to test cleaning ability of
DYSON vacuums,home model available to test your housekeeping skills.Shedding
hair ounces per day listed in instruction manual.)
hand therapist (great motivational skills! Forces tired hands into nonstop
petting motions.Most units have the auto start petting again feature that
activates several times a day)
Icebreaker (This unit compels total strangers to talk to you and share
stories of their 150 lb,36 inch Shepherd they had as a kid )
refrigerator cleaner (Instant removal of unused leftovers and those things
in the bottom drawer you don't even recognize anymore )
Fashion designer (your own fashion designer that puts Gucci to shame now
that MESSY is in!! Entire custom line of "one of a kind" paw print clothing
designed daily just for you!)
excavating specialist (no job too small,we dig them all!)
pest control (wonder what happened to the neighborhood squirrels? and,and Is
that a head you have??")
sports coach (This unit improves your performance, pivoting skills
& endurance as you attempt to keep ball that is in play away from your
coach whose job is to run away and pop it)
Gardener (Usually moonlights in excavating to some extent. Utilizes a
regular garden hose with minor adjustments as an efficient sprinkler system
& water fountain.All units come with daily auto apply fertilizer and most
with a divot maker.)
Alarm Clock (Several models available to wake the light sleeper to those
that can wake the dead! Most models utilize a mild physical waking system.
Industrial models available with teen wake feature that actually knocks
them out of bed. Also available by special order only,The repugnant aroma
alarm clock with explosive flatulence simulated sound. All models have
automatic reset feature and no batteries needed!.)
EMT (Self run emergency prevention units to check on you through the night &
make sure you are breathing.Choices include a silent stare model,a slurp
your face model & the new heavy breath in the face then hit you with a foot
model for those hard to wake subjects.Also available by special order
only,The drop a dirty wet ball in your face life checker)
Botox replacement ( You'll save so much $$$$$$$$$$ with this very effective
unit that performs antics and adorable routines daily to exercise facial
muscles and erase frown lines and wrinkles.Yes people its here! The new mega
model laugh producing prototype that will replace painful botox forever!
Unconditionally guaranteed results!
Best friend (This is our most advanced model that includes all of the
features above.Fully equipped to anticipate and respond to your every need
and then some! Brilliant non judgemental listener, sympathetic
ear,understanding eyes,a comforting paw just when you need it & a strong
shoulder to cry on who loves hugs.All this AND she thinks you sing GREAT in
the shower and car!! Well maintained with lots of love,you can expect years
of constant vigilance and service from this product and will never settle
for anything less then a German Shepherd!
medusasmom.
T-Ho Shepherds since 1980
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=byLPK5acSlc
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