[ SHOWGSD-L ] Re: German Shepherds

  • From: marcatogsd@xxxxxxx
  • To: Gsdhilo@xxxxxxx, Showgsd-l@xxxxxxxxxxxxx
  • Date: Mon, 07 Nov 2005 14:11:43 -0500

 The more I think, the more I wonder if I'm doing the right thing, giving up on 
conformation.  I'll be the first to admit that the whole reason I wanted to 
show in the first place, was for ME, to have fun.  I don't like using handlers, 
mostly because it means I just stand outside the ring and double, and I find no 
joy in it.
 
Win or lose, I've never cared.  I just liked being in the ring with my dog.  
The disappoinments have been all too much recently...ears not standing, 
testicles not dropping, missing teeth, and, the worst of all, the death of Zan.
 
I went to my mum's house to pick up some laundry and a trash can, and, even 
though I said "leave them alone" my little brother went outside and opened the 
car door, and Zan got out.  Somebody also left the backyard gate open, and his 
dog got out.
 
It was 7 at night, it was dark, and I looked as hard as I could, and I just 
couldn't see him.  To be truthful, much as everybody says it's not Austin's 
fault, I believe it is, because if he had listened in the first place, Zan 
wouldn't have gotten loose, and likely, he would still be here.
 
I very much love to show, my mother has even offered to buy me a new show dog 
when I was ready, but really, she just can't afford to, and I can't afford to 
take an animal with a ton of show potential, and only show it once or twice a 
month (which is what I was going to do with Zander, and the breeders were fine 
with that, as long as he was finished).  I don't like to special my animals, 
because being in the top standings in the working lists is more important to me 
than the conformation standings.
 
When Zander had finished, my plans were to start herding with him, and do 
agility.  Can't do that now.  I spent every single last penny I had on him, and 
I invested every single bit of love I could in him.  He lived in a kennel for 
two years, but I wanted to end that for him, and I wanted a show dog.  So I 
bought him.
 
I had him for only four weeks.  He adored car rides, he loved to sleep on my 
bed (or rather, on me), he'd do anything for a hot dog, and really, he would 
have done anything for me.
 
I've been considering trying a co-ownership with somebody local, but the 
thought of trying and failing again has made me physically ill, even though I 
want to show so badly sometimes, I swear I actually physically itch.
 
I wasn't born into a show family, it wasn't until I was 18 and too old for 
juniors that I realized this was something I wanted to do, so I tried to put my 
foot in the door.  I think my foot has been broken several times over, said 
door has been slammed on it so many times, but I keep it there.  I'm not sure 
if it's because I'm an idiot, or because this is what I'm supposed to do, but 
it's still there, bruised, and broken, much like my heart right now.
 
Part of me feels like I'd be betraying my Zan, to get another show dog, when he 
was supposed to be the one for me, and part of me feels I'm betraying myself if 
I don't.  When I first met that dog, I just knew I was for him, and he was for 
me, and I think that he knew it too.  Joel pushed Cheryl and Jim and James to 
let me have him, and I got him.  And Joel drove an hour to see me when I called 
to tell him of Zander's death.
 
Many of you have seemed to be able to find some meaning in Zan's death, while I 
have not.  I feel guilt, bitterness, I find fault with the one who let him out, 
I certainly find no Solace in God, since that is an ideaology I gave up when I 
was 11, and I find even less comfort in those who have told me "He was just a 
dog."
 
Zander was more than "just a dog" to me.  For somebody to say that to me, is 
like me telling them their child isn't special, just because it is another 
child.  Strauss is my heart dog, but Zander is the dog that allowed me to open 
it, and, though I ended up poor as dirt, and had to scrape to pay my bills 
(which I have done), I didn't care.  I was happy.  He was happy.
 
I am very much drained from this whole thing, and I wonder why I still itch so 
badly to show, it feels like I've got fleas.  I feel compelled to leave it 
alone, even though I seem to be surrounded by backscratchers and the like.  So 
tell me, my Zan, what do I do?
 
 - Jackie
 
Marcato Shepherds
Where it's about function, not flash
-----Original Message-----
From: Gsdhilo
To: Marcato GSD
Sent: Mon, 7 Nov 2005 12:13:30 PM Eastern Standard Time
Subject: German Shepherds


Hello,
        I have just returned from our Nationals ,thus the reason for the delay 
for answering you. Sorry. I tried to call you today and no answer.
       I would be interested in talking with you. Please call when you get a 
chance. Thank you. 
 
Georgia + Phil Miller
Hi/Lo Kennel's
117 Duffie Rd.
Simpsonville S.C. 29681
Shop: 864-967-4822 (8 AM to 8 PM)
Fax:864-228-9539


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