[ SHOWGSD-L ] Fwd: Alberta Rules
- From: Susan McFarland <smcfarland@xxxxxxxxxx>
- To: showgsd-l@xxxxxxxxxxxxx
- Date: Thu, 5 Jul 2007 14:59:15 -0600
Not exactly GS related but boy isn't it the truth......... just
remember this if you come here for a dog show.......lol
Sue
>
>Truer words were never spoken
>
> The NEW rules for entering Alberta:
>1. Bring your own house.
>2. If going to the Oil Sands, bring your own house, school and hospital.
>3. If going to Edmonton, wear your flak jacket. This is the murder
>capital of Canada.
>4. If driving to Edmonton, it is also the auto theft center of Canada.
>5. If you are bringing drugs, head to West Edmonton Mall, the drug
>capital of Canada.
>6. If you are looking for work, look no further. Minimum wage is
>$7.00 /hour.
>7. If you work downtown, parking costs $5.00/hour.
>8. If you are able to buy a house in Calgary, why not spend the money on a
>15 year holiday ?
>9. If you drive a Hummer, look out. We sit amongst the highest gas
>prices in Canada.
>
> The Alberta Advantage.
>1. In Edmonton we have 5 hospitals. 10 years ago we had 7. Don't
>come here sick.
>2. In Calgary, the population has exploded. The last road was paved
>12 years ago.
>3. Calgary is a no-parking zone.
>
>THE NEW RULES FOR DRIVING IN EDMONTON :
>1. You must first learn to pronounce the city name, it is: " ED-MIN-TIN".
>
>
>
>2. The morning rush hour is from 5:00am to noon. The evening rush
>hour is from noon to 8:00pm. Friday's rush hour starts on Thursday
>morning.
>
> 3. The minimum acceptable speed on most freeways is 130 kph. On the
>QE2,you are expected to match the speed of the airplanes coming in
>for a landing at the airport. Anything less is considered "Wussy".
>
> 4. Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Edmonton now has
>its own version of traffic rules. For example, cars/trucks with the
>loudest muffler go first at a four-way stop; the trucks with the
>biggest tires go second. However, Southwest Edmonton, SUV-driving,
>cell phone-talking moms ALWAYS have the right of way.
>
> 5. If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended,
>cussed out, and possibly shot.
>
>
>
>6. Never honk at anyone. Ever. Seriously. It's another offense that
>can get you shot.
>
>
>
>7. Road construction is permanent and continuous in Edmonton. Detour
>barrels are moved around during the middle of the night to make the
>next day's driving a bit more exciting, but nothing ever gets
>finished, and more construction starts everyday.
>
> 8. Watch carefully for road hazards such as drunks, skunks, dogs,
>cats, deer, barrels, cones, cows, horses, mattresses, shredded
>tires, garbage, squirrels, rabbits, crows, and coyotes feeding on
>any of these items.
>
> 9. Calgary Trail, Gateway Boulevard, Highway 2 and the QE2 are the
>same road.
>
>
>
>10. If someone actually has their turn signal on, wave them to the
>shoulder immediately to let them know it has been "accidentally
>activated."
>
> 11. If you are in the left lane and only driving 110 in a 80-90 km
>zone, you are considered a road hazard and will be "flipped off"
>accordingly. If you return the flip, you'll be shot.
>
> 12. For winter driving, it is advisable to wear your parka, toque,
>fur lined mittens and mukluks. Make sure you have a shovel, food,
>candle and blankets in the vehicle, as snow removal from the city
>streets is virtually non-existent until the spring thaw.
>
--
Susan McFarland
Anderson Associates Consulting Engineers
Merovingian Kennels
Visit us at: http://homepage.mac.com/smcfarland1955/Personal19.html
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