First, I need to make sure that I have not - again - mistakenly sent this to the other list. But actually it might be a good thing at this point because this post from Dave is just up my alley and surely is intended for both lists because we all belong to the same club. I just responded to a member of this list likewise, but Dave has a better way with words. He said it all so eloquently. There has to be a way to get us all back together as one family, withdraw all law suits and get back to business which, in case some have forgotten, is the German Shepherd Dog. Lee F. -----Original Message----- From: showgsd-l-bounce@xxxxxxxxxxxxx [mailto:showgsd-l-bounce@xxxxxxxxxxxxx] On Behalf Of David Fritsche Sent: Sunday, July 05, 2009 7:48 PM To: showgsd-l@xxxxxxxxxxxxx Subject: [ SHOWGSD-L ] Common Sense > OK guys, I am lost is someone suing the club again or trying to change the bylaws to prevent people from suing the club or the board members? It will be interesting to see who runs for the board this time. I wonder if it is getting harder to find people who want to spend their own money to play Board Jeopardy. > > Terry ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ---- Good question Terry - What are we doing? And good title: Common sense, which we all know is defined differently for each person - meaning it doesn't exist! The basic problem is not legal, but emotional. We fight mini-wars within our group (not uncommon in human relationships), on our list or lists if you belong to more than one, or we find conflict with another nation and fight them. There is always a justification (and I am not of the mind set that a good war is always the wrong thing to do), but that justification is based on the emotion - I am angry, or you, or them, as the case may be. But we all know, if we took Psyc. 101, that anger is not a base emotion but a surface one. The real base emotion is fear: I am afraid of injury or loss. That makes me angry. So, in my anger I confront the person who angered me, and who is about to injure me. Maybe a nasty neighbor Maybe a blind judge Maybe my wife or husband Maybe a board member or the entire board. The presumption is that this person or persons have decided to single me out and get me, when in fact, most of the time, they are not even considering me or my feelings. They are doing whatever it is they do and would do if I were Jake, or John or Mary Doe. I am not their point usually. I just happen to be there. So I am affected and I am angry. And the demand is for them, they, you know, those people, to solve my emotion and make me feel right. But it is not their emotion. They do not feel it. It is mine and only I can deal with the feeling. We strike out, sometimes at the wrong people who were just ignorant, or not ignorant but trying to take care of their responsibilities as best they knew how. And maybe they don't understand how I would feel about it and how fearful I really am (anyone understand the fear and striking out in a dog?). And things escalate and with each level of confrontation we move to higher stakes. This is how war begins... How do we win it? Easy, kill the opponent! Hit them before they hit us, or strike back at our perception of injury. Write them a nasty note, call them a bad name, tell everyone else how right we are and how wrong they are. Grab hold of that anger and hit the nearest thing you can find - or person, whither of not they are the perpetrator. They are at least the messenger, and that's close enough. But by all means avoid trying to be objective about yourself and your own action, for it you do, you might just understand the problem. But then, no one wins. Particularly in a club that is held together, not entirely by the by-laws and policies. It is held together at a greater level by our relationship to one another and our common interests. But there are times when damaging our relationships is worth it, or so it seems. I mean, you gotta tell it like it is, don't ya! Or do we? It all depends on what we are willing to loose, for when the action/reactions things starts, there is no absolute certainty that we will win. So the question is, what are we willing to loose? When there is conflict, we force people to take sides. That is just the nature of it. So, are we willing to split the relationships or club for the sake of being right? That really is a fundamental question. Can we recognize that when we take action, the reaction back on us may mean that we loose. I mean it is possible to win legally and to loose more than we ever imagined in the fight. People, you see, do not like conflict and they will move away from you, even if they think you have a valid case. Sometimes it is advantageous to keep your wits, suffer wrong and go on with life. It is a choice we make for the sake of other things we want. I am at a loss for words to know how to say this, but we do need to stop, take a breath and look at what we are doing to one another, to our club and to ourselves. That's right - to ourselves. It is possible to take our cause to whatever authority and win, walking away with all the marbles, but find there is no longer anyone to play marbles with. The solution: Life is not about being right, it is about being real. I show dogs regularly with people who have no sense at all. I mean they disagree with me politically, religiously, morally, ethically, they dress funny, talk crazy and do stupid things. Some are easy and some are hard, legalistic, cold. Some are never offended and some are very touchy and easily offended. But without them, I can't find a major darn it! <g> Look, the people I am mad at were the same people there when I got into this thing and they are probably not going to change and neither am I. And really, I am not mad at anyone. Everyone is doing what they think they should to protect themselves, from their friends and fellow club members. That's just human nature. But it may be time to rise above human nature and be as loving and forgiving as our dogs. Seems like everyone has had their say, taken their shoots, given their rebukes and tried their best to protect themselves. Now, please, stop throwing sand or get out of the sandbox. ============================================================================ POST is Copyrighted 2008. All material remains the property of the original author and of GSD Communication, Inc. NO REPRODUCTIONS or FORWARDS of any kind are permitted without prior permission of the original author AND of the Showgsd-l Management. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. ALL PERSONS ARE ON NOTICE THAT THE FORWARDING, REPRODUCTION OR USE IN ANY MANNER OF ANY MATERIAL WHICH APPEARS ON SHOWGSD-L WITHOUT THE EXPRESS PERMISSION OF ALL PARTIES TO THE POST AND THE LIST MANAGEMENT IS EXPRESSLY FORBIDDEN, AND IS A VIOLATION OF LAW. VIOLATORS OF THIS PROHIBITION WILL BE PROSECUTED. For assistance, please contact the List Management at admin@xxxxxxxxxxxx VISIT OUR WEBSITE - http://showgsd.org NATIONAL BLOG - http://gsdnational.blogspot.com/ ============================================================================ ============================================================================ POST is Copyrighted 2008. All material remains the property of the original author and of GSD Communication, Inc. NO REPRODUCTIONS or FORWARDS of any kind are permitted without prior permission of the original author AND of the Showgsd-l Management. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. ALL PERSONS ARE ON NOTICE THAT THE FORWARDING, REPRODUCTION OR USE IN ANY MANNER OF ANY MATERIAL WHICH APPEARS ON SHOWGSD-L WITHOUT THE EXPRESS PERMISSION OF ALL PARTIES TO THE POST AND THE LIST MANAGEMENT IS EXPRESSLY FORBIDDEN, AND IS A VIOLATION OF LAW. VIOLATORS OF THIS PROHIBITION WILL BE PROSECUTED. For assistance, please contact the List Management at admin@xxxxxxxxxxxx VISIT OUR WEBSITE - http://showgsd.org NATIONAL BLOG - http://gsdnational.blogspot.com/ ============================================================================