[ SHOWGSD-L ] Automated Veterinary Telephone System

From: GrnRam415@xxxxxxx
To: Showgsd-l@xxxxxxxxxxxxx
Date: Sat, 26 Feb 2005 13:37:57 EST
For all you vets and vet techs out there.  And fun reading.
Laura Thomas
www.treasureranchgsds.com
Now, I HATE automated menus, but this one I might be able to live with ...
"Welcome to the Utopia Veterinary Hospital automated telephone system. Please 
listen carefully to the following options.

Press 01 to make an appointment.

Press 02 to tell us your life history as well as your pet's.

Press 03 to speak directly to a human doctor.

Press 04 if you feel your pet's condition is more important than the 
emergency patient the vet is currently seeing.

Press 05 if your pet's condition has persisted for 6 months but has suddenly 
become an emergency and needs seeing this evening because you are going on 
holiday tomorrow.

Press 06 if you want us to trim the nails on your 100 kg aggressive dog.

Press 07 if you demand immediate treatment but would like us to hold a cheque 
for you until next month.

Press 08 if you would like to post date a previously post-dated cheque.

Press 09 if you need to bring in 10 unvaccinated puppies with vomiting and 
diarrhea and you'll only have $10 in your pocket.

Press 10 if you plan to arrive at our surgery in a new Jaguar XJS but can 
only pay for routine vaccinations at $5 a month.

Press 11 if you want to express your unfounded anger at a receptionist or 
technician.

Press 12 to determine if your pet's condition is serious enough to be seen 
immediately. If it is after midnight our team of experts will be standing by to 
debate the issue with you for as long as it takes to agree it can wait until 
morning.

Press 13 if your pet hasn't eaten in 10 days and you've only just become 
concerned.

Press 14 if your reptilian pet has been living in an incredibly small tank in 
a cold dark room and has not eaten for 60 days despite you having offered it 
several types of chocolate and crisps.

Press 15 if your pet has removed its bandage because you took off its buster 
collar; even though we explicitly requested you leave it on.

Press 16 if there is nothing wrong with your pet and you just want to talk 
with someone.

Press 17 to find out our busiest times, so that you can ensure that when you 
show up without an appointment and demand to be seen maximum chaos will ensue.

Press 18 if you would like to disagree with the veterinarian's diagnosis or 
treatment plan because you read something different on the internet.

Press 19 if you are concerned because you own a sensitive breed that has 
"reactions" to things like vaccines and anesthetics.

Press 20 if you need these instructions explained in words of one syllable."


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[ SHOWGSD-L ] Automated Veterinary Telephone System

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