[Shadowdancer] Re: "Bullet Proof - Part 4 - I Wish I Was..."
- From: Nathan Farris <offerings_burnt@xxxxxxxxx>
- To: shadowdancer@xxxxxxxxxxxxx
- Date: Mon, 14 Feb 2005 17:01:25 -0800 (PST)
hmm, Pasha needs a little stroll through space- outside the airlock...
dark and nice log,
~Nate
Elizabeth Bethell <ejbethell@xxxxxxxxxxx> wrote:
Bulletproof - Part 4 - I Wish I Was...
by Caitlenn Ross and Pasha Polnarev
The stretches lengthened her muscles, revealing her lean, smooth lines. Soft,
undulating music played in the background, swirling through her mind as she
followed the steps of the form. Slowly, from one position to the next, she
flowed like water, each movement the continuation of the next, no end and no
beginning. With her mind totally focussed on her movements, she finally
relaxed, finally allowed herself to breathe easily. Her fear drained away
through the soles of her feet.
Chirping brought her out of the trance-like state. It was the door chime
demanding her attention. With serenity, she asked for it to open. All peace
evaporated at the first glance of who her visitor was.
"Pasha." She slid onto her sofa. "What do you want?"
Such elegant, graceful movements. They were truly a joy to watch. "Please,
continue. I did not mean to disturb your exercises."
"I was almost finished anyway. Come in." She desperately wanted to be nice to
this man. He was going to be out of her life very soon and she hated leaving
crew on bad terms. Ever the Captain, she thought with a smile.
"What do you find amusing, Caitlenn?"
"Nothing, please, tell me, what can I do for you?" He was still such a handsome
man, pity he was such a nutcase. "How's the job hunting going?"
"You know, you almost sound as if you are truly interested." The smile in his
eyes vanished the instant the door swooshed closed. "Let's not play these
games, Caitlenn. I think we are both too old and too wise to dance so."
"Of course. Then tell me why you are here." A dangerous man indeed. A sudden
image of hands on her skin, of being pushed to the ground, grabbed and twisted,
flooded her mind. She shuddered but shot to her feet in an attempt to hide it.
"Tea? I know how you like your Green tea."
"Please. I am here about a job, Caitlenn." He had not missed the shiver. It
made him curious, he knew that he could no longer be the source of such
outbursts. It added another piece to the puzzle.
"There are no free positions aboard the Shadowdancer. And even if there were,
you would not get it."
"So matter-of-fact. So cold and clinical. That is your trademark, isn't it? You
cut people down and then leave them screaming to their deaths."
His words brought her round to face him, but she managed to keep her face
neutral. "I can be cold, yes. When it is needed."
"Is that why he did it? To prove to himself that you have some warmth in you?"
"Is that why who did what?"
There! A quiver in her voice, slight but still there. He was grasping at
straws. But he now knew that at least one of them was true. He'd dug around a
bit after he'd left Bella. There was only one crew member missing from this
ship: Michael MacDonald. But there was no record of where he had been for the
last twelve hours, nor was there any evidence to contradict the theory that he
had simply jumped ship. But Pasha was almost sure that he was dead. Almost.
"Was he so terribly rough with you, my love? Worse than I ever was?"
"What are you talking about?" Her voice was soft, so she could hide the fear in
it. "I don't know what you are talking about."
"Don't you? Hmm, I wonder." He reached over and took the cup of steaming tea
from her hands, bringing it up to his lips and taking one very small sip. The
liquid was hot and burned a little, but he took a bigger gulp anyway.
"MacDonald was an arrogant man. He walked around this ship like he owned it. He
was also a fool. But does that mean he deserved to die, Caitlenn?"
Colour drained out of her face but she kept it expressionless. Her ice-blue
eyes drilled holes into his own dark ones and finally she smiled. It was a
feral look that frightened him a bit more than he would have liked. Unlike
MacDonald, Pasha was very aware of this woman's abilities and grudges. She was
going to kill him, if she got a chance, but now he had to play it so that she
never would.
He looked down at his worn hands, scarred by an engineer's work. He rubbed them
together as he thought of how to phrase his next sentence. It was a gesture
that Cait found achingly familiar and she wished for the millionth time that
Pasha was a different man.
"It is not the physical hurt, is it? That is not what has you so paralysed." He
glanced at her, holding her eyes ever so briefly with his own. "It is the
helplessness. He took you, hurt you, forced himself upon you, and you could do
nothing."
She shook slightly but said nothing, fearing that to speak would immediately
incriminate her.
"Now you know, Cait, just how defenseless you really are." He smiled as he
gazed at her out of the corner of his eye. "You know that I could take you,
just like he did. Right now. I could finally have what should be mine." His
voice suddenly took on a menacing tone. "And so could all the men on this ship.
And they would. You know that, don't you Cait? They would tie you down and take
you one after the other. Over and over, until you were dead."
She pressed herself back in her seat, praying that someone would interrupt
them. Salvation? Why would I ever get salvation?
"No one will save you," he said, almost mimicking her thoughts. "Unless..."
"What? Unless what?"
The desperation in her voice excited him. "Get me a job on this ship. That's
all I ask. Get me a job and I'll never tell another soul what I know."
No! she screamed. "Okay, I'll help you."
"Oh, I know you will."
---------------------------------
Note: The title of this log is taken from the lyrics of a Radiohead song called
"Bullet Proof...I Wish I Was."
---------------------------------
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