[Shadowdancer] "Bullet Proof - Part 4 - I Wish I Was..."
- From: Elizabeth Bethell <ejbethell@xxxxxxxxxxx>
- To: Shadowdancer <shadowdancer@xxxxxxxxxxxxx>
- Date: Tue, 15 Feb 2005 00:22:24 +0000
Bulletproof - Part 4 - I Wish I Was...
by Caitlenn Ross and Pasha Polnarev
The stretches lengthened her muscles, revealing her lean, smooth lines.
Soft, undulating music played in the background, swirling through her mind
as she followed the steps of the form. Slowly, from one position to the
next, she flowed like water, each movement the continuation of the next, no
end and no beginning. With her mind totally focussed on her movements, she
finally relaxed, finally allowed herself to breathe easily. Her fear drained
away through the soles of her feet.
Chirping brought her out of the trance-like state. It was the door chime
demanding her attention. With serenity, she asked for it to open. All peace
evaporated at the first glance of who her visitor was.
"Pasha." She slid onto her sofa. "What do you want?"
Such elegant, graceful movements. They were truly a joy to watch. "Please,
continue. I did not mean to disturb your exercises."
"I was almost finished anyway. Come in." She desperately wanted to be nice
to this man. He was going to be out of her life very soon and she hated
leaving crew on bad terms. Ever the Captain, she thought with a smile.
"What do you find amusing, Caitlenn?"
"Nothing, please, tell me, what can I do for you?" He was still such a
handsome man, pity he was such a nutcase. "How's the job hunting going?"
"You know, you almost sound as if you are truly interested." The smile in
his eyes vanished the instant the door swooshed closed. "Let's not play
these games, Caitlenn. I think we are both too old and too wise to dance
so."
"Of course. Then tell me why you are here." A dangerous man indeed. A sudden
image of hands on her skin, of being pushed to the ground, grabbed and
twisted, flooded her mind. She shuddered but shot to her feet in an attempt
to hide it. "Tea? I know how you like your Green tea."
"Please. I am here about a job, Caitlenn." He had not missed the shiver. It
made him curious, he knew that he could no longer be the source of such
outbursts. It added another piece to the puzzle.
"There are no free positions aboard the Shadowdancer. And even if there
were, you would not get it."
"So matter-of-fact. So cold and clinical. That is your trademark, isn't it?
You cut people down and then leave them screaming to their deaths."
His words brought her round to face him, but she managed to keep her face
neutral. "I can be cold, yes. When it is needed."
"Is that why he did it? To prove to himself that you have some warmth in
you?"
"Is that why who did what?"
There! A quiver in her voice, slight but still there. He was grasping at
straws. But he now knew that at least one of them was true. He'd dug around
a bit after he'd left Bella. There was only one crew member missing from
this ship: Michael MacDonald. But there was no record of where he had been
for the last twelve hours, nor was there any evidence to contradict the
theory that he had simply jumped ship. But Pasha was almost sure that he was
dead. Almost.
"Was he so terribly rough with you, my love? Worse than I ever was?"
"What are you talking about?" Her voice was soft, so she could hide the fear
in it. "I don't know what you are talking about."
"Don't you? Hmm, I wonder." He reached over and took the cup of steaming tea
from her hands, bringing it up to his lips and taking one very small sip.
The liquid was hot and burned a little, but he took a bigger gulp anyway.
"MacDonald was an arrogant man. He walked around this ship like he owned it.
He was also a fool. But does that mean he deserved to die, Caitlenn?"
Colour drained out of her face but she kept it expressionless. Her ice-blue
eyes drilled holes into his own dark ones and finally she smiled. It was a
feral look that frightened him a bit more than he would have liked. Unlike
MacDonald, Pasha was very aware of this woman's abilities and grudges. She
was going to kill him, if she got a chance, but now he had to play it so
that she never would.
He looked down at his worn hands, scarred by an engineer's work. He rubbed
them together as he thought of how to phrase his next sentence. It was a
gesture that Cait found achingly familiar and she wished for the millionth
time that Pasha was a different man.
"It is not the physical hurt, is it? That is not what has you so paralysed."
He glanced at her, holding her eyes ever so briefly with his own. "It is the
helplessness. He took you, hurt you, forced himself upon you, and you could
do nothing."
She shook slightly but said nothing, fearing that to speak would immediately
incriminate her.
"Now you know, Cait, just how defenseless you really are." He smiled as he
gazed at her out of the corner of his eye. "You know that I could take you,
just like he did. Right now. I could finally have what should be mine." His
voice suddenly took on a menacing tone. "And so could all the men on this
ship. And they would. You know that, don't you Cait? They would tie you down
and take you one after the other. Over and over, until you were dead."
She pressed herself back in her seat, praying that someone would interrupt
them. Salvation? Why would I ever get salvation?
"No one will save you," he said, almost mimicking her thoughts. "Unless..."
"What? Unless what?"
The desperation in her voice excited him. "Get me a job on this ship. That's
all I ask. Get me a job and I'll never tell another soul what I know."
No! she screamed. "Okay, I'll help you."
"Oh, I know you will."
Note: The title of this log is taken from the lyrics of a Radiohead song
called "Bullet Proof...I Wish I Was."
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