[projectaon] Re: Grand Master comment period [Book 13]
- From: Benjamin I Krefetz <krefetz@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx>
- To: projectaon@xxxxxxxxxxxxx
- Date: Thu, 12 Apr 2012 03:33:13 -0400 (EDT)
On Wed, 11 Apr 2012, Jonathan Blake wrote:
On Tue, Apr 10, 2012 at 4:00 AM, Simon Osborne <outspaced@xxxxxxxxxxxx> wrote:
On 10/04/2012 00:15, Jonathan Blake wrote:
(er) 284: [so: Revise the options layout as per recent discussion regarding
Book 8.]
What about changing the last two choices to the following?
~~~~~
If you do not possess this Grand Master Discipline, you can
investigate either the east tunnel by turning to 118
-- or the west tunnel by turning to 189.
~~~~~
Maybe an ellipsis instead of a dash? The dash looks kind of funny as a way
to continue the sentence.
(er) 324: forearm and -> forearm, and [so: Serial comma?]
I separated it into two sentences: "He lunges. You deflect his weak
attack with your right forearm and counter it with a left hook...".
That sounds a bit choppy. Maybe add an "and", as in, "He lunges, and you
deflect..."?
Ben
~~~~~~
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