[projectaon] Re: Grand Master comment period [Book 13]

  • From: Jonathan Blake <jonathan@xxxxxxxxxxxxx>
  • To: projectaon@xxxxxxxxxxxxx
  • Date: Wed, 11 Apr 2012 14:24:13 -0700

On Tue, Apr 10, 2012 at 4:00 AM, Simon Osborne <outspaced@xxxxxxxxxxxx> wrote:
> On 10/04/2012 00:15, Jonathan Blake wrote:
>>
>> On Fri, Apr 6, 2012 at 4:19 PM, Jonathan Blake<jonathan@xxxxxxxxxxxxx>
>>  wrote:
>>
>>> I'll work on putting together
>>> some diffs for the GM books soon.
>>
>>
>> Done.
>>
>> http://projectaon.org/staff/jonathan/diffs/
>
>
> BOOK 13:
>
> (er) 22: scrabbling his throat -> scrabbling at his throat

I don't use "scrabble". Is it incorrect to use it without the "at"?

> (er) 35, 153, 201: A patrol of six Vazhag file into the cavern [so: Should
> this be "...files..."?]

In this case I think it should be. Any objections?

> (er) 50: plague virus, and its vaccine, are being -> plague virus and its
> vaccine are being

fixed

> (ne) 71: hurtle through air -> hurtle through the air

fixed

> (er) 111: A vast procession of partially-clad soldiers are being -> [so:
> "...is being..."?]

I think we can leave this as-is.

> (er) 185: spell--Lightning Hand--as -> spell <spell>Lightning Hand</spell>
> as

fixed

> (er) 191: The chain glances your [so: Should this be "glances off your"? If
> so, this has a knock-on effect to other instances where it is used in this
> way.]

I think it's OK as-is.

> (er) 260: Palmyrion plain -> Palmyrion Plain

fixed

> (ne) 284: [so: Lose the comma before the ellipsis.]

fixed

> (er) 284: [so: Revise the options layout as per recent discussion regarding
> Book 8.]

What about changing the last two choices to the following?

~~~~~
If you do not possess this Grand Master Discipline, you can
investigate either the east tunnel by turning to 118

-- or the west tunnel by turning to 189.
~~~~~

> (er) 290: Another curse, and -> He speaks another curse, and [so: Maybe.]

I'm ambivalent. Your suggestion is clearer and more grammatical, but
the original might be clear enough. Any other opinions?

> (er) 324: forearm and -> forearm, and [so: Serial comma?]

I separated it into two sentences: "He lunges. You deflect his weak
attack with your right forearm and counter it with a left hook...".

> You might also want to do a search in 13tplor for instances of ", and" since
> there might be  a few occasions where the comma could be lost, going by
> recent adjustments to comma usage.

Any context in particular? It would take quite a while to go through
all the false positives on that search. :)

Thanks, Simon.

--
Jon

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