[projectaon] Re: 28thos
- From: Simon Osborne <outspaced@xxxxxxxxxxxx>
- To: projectaon@xxxxxxxxxxxxx
- Date: Wed, 27 Jan 2010 13:56:23 +0000
On 26/01/2010 17:09, McSwain LeRoy wrote:
I've just completed 'The Hunger of Sejanoz' and below is my list of issues.
I'll begin on the other PA book serieses (FW &c.) soon.
Don't rush on my account... ;-)
FIXED (ERRATA):
(er) Title Page: news of the invasion -> news of an invasion
(er) 7: to rest, and unless -> ? to rest, unless
(er) 11, 49, 118, 151, 252: western rim -> ? sothern/eastern rim [lm: I wonder if you can really
still be close to the western rim after half a day of travel. Judging from the way the road bends
towards the south on the map, 'southern rim' may be the intended meaning] [so: Sections 2 and 130
seem to indicate a speedy exit from the vale, so this change seems correct. Changed to "eastern"]
(er) 11, 118, 252: Some descend -> Some (of the) fissures descend [lm:
cf.ref.49, 151]
(er) 96, 119: throughout the distant corridor -> throughout the distant
corridors [lm: cf.refs.41&203]
(er) 102: [lm: Do you discard the Sabito root at this point?] [so: Yes; added "(Remember to erase
the Sabito Root from your Action Chart.)" to the end of the section.]
(er) 103: If you possess Magi-magic, have reached the rank of Kai Grand Guardian, and wish to use
this Discipline, turn to 77. -> If you possess Magi-magic, have reached the rank of Kai Grand
Guardian, possess an Arrow, and wish to use this Discipline, turn to 77. [so: Prefer: "If you
possess Magi-magic, a Bow and at least one Arrow, have reached the rank of Kai Grand Guardian, and
wish to use this Discipline, turn to 77."]
(er) 116: [lm: orphaned section] [so: 116 is identical to 263. For the sake of reinstalling Section
116 to the game, let's change 167 to point to 116 instead of 263.]
(er) 124: Arrows at 1 Gold Crown for two (= 20 Ren) -> Arrows at 1 Gold
Crown for two (= 5 Ren each)
(er) 155: High above you glimpse -> High above, you glimpse
(er) 170: If your total score is now 6 or lower, turn to 285. If it is 7 or higher, turn to 55. ->
If your total score is now 6 or lower, turn to 55. If it is 7 or higher, turn to 285.
(er) 248: If you have reached the rank of Kai Grand Defender, turn to 126. -> If you have reached
the rank of Kai Grand Defender, and possess the Xi-die, turn to 126.
(er) 277: If your total score is now 5 or lower, turn to 29. If it is 6 or higher, turn to 201. ->
If your total score is now 5 or lower, turn to 201. If it is 6 or higher, turn to 29.
FIXED (NOT ERRATA):
(ne) The Story So Far: ‘Aye,’ replied Rimoah, ‘but we must depart this afternoon if we are to be
certain of reaching the pass before the arrival of the Autarch's squad.’ -> [lm: The second instance
of this paragraph is superfluous]
(ne) The Story So Far: solemnly. ‘I -> ? solemnly, ‘I [lm: not necessarily wrong the way it is, but
i thought it might be worth checking to see if it's ne]
(ne) 11: content distraction -> ? constant distraction
(ne) 36: If you do not possess Kai-alchemy, have yet to attain the required level of Kai Mastery, or
choose not to use it, turn instead to 76. -> If you do not possess Kai-alchemy, or choose not to use
it, turn instead to 76. [lm: You must have the required rank, because it is 'any rank'] [so:
Reversed previous changes]
(ne) 48: highs -> thighs
(ne) 52: concessive -> concussive
(ne) 54: Bhanarian Assault Troops: COMBAT SKILL 7 ENDURANCE 42 [lm: Is this a typo, or are the
guards truly so weak?] [so: They just got much tougher--should be 47!]
(ne) 151: spectacularly orange region -> spectacularly strange region [lm:
cf.ref.11&c.]
(ne) 178: under is weight -> under its weight
(ne) 181: If possess Assimilance -> If you possess Assimilance
(ne) 202: You can see any sense that -> ? You can see and sense that [lm:
best guess]
(ne) 276: he raises his spear and attempt -> he raises his spear and
attempts
(ne) 290: If you wish to search this workshop, turn 87. -> If you wish to search this workshop, turn
to 87. [lm: Also, this choice ought to be indented]
(ne) Errata: when ENDURANCE’ with ‘when the ENDURANCE’. -> ('endurance'
ought to be in small caps.)
(ne) Table of Illustrations: Illustration V (Section 74) -> [lm: No illustration appears in this
section.] [so: Should be 78.]
REJECTED:
(er) Title Page: perilous task … or -> ? perilous task? … or [so: No; an ellipsis can also function
as a comma, as it is doing so here.]
(er) 127, 296: I'm not, I swear it! -> ? I'm not! I swear it! [so:
This is OK as-is.]
(er) Grand Master Disciplines: These bonus points, together with your extra Grand Master
Discipline(s), your original four Grand Master Discipli nes, your Kai Weapon,3 and any other Special
Items [lm: and backpack items?] [so: Backpack Items don't tend to give any permanent stat bonuses]
(er) Equipment: Before you leave the Kai Monastery [lm: not at the monastery] [so: You are for part
of tssf.]
(ne) Improved Disciplines: windows, etc., to shatter -> windows, etc. to shatter [so: No, it is
acceptable to set off "etc." with commas when it comes at the end of a list. See:
<http://www1.umn.edu/urelate/style/punctuation.html#Anchor-SERIES-14210>]
ESCALATED:
(er) The Story So Far: the First Order of the Kai were -> the First
Order of the Kai was
(er) Grand Master Disciplines: (grandw.) weapons -> ? Weapons
(er) Equipment: (how to use) and a correct weapon -> ? and a correct
Weapon
(er) Equipment: (bows) weapon -> ? Weapon (3x)
(er) Improved Disciplines: (sun thane astrology) , and the duration of the effect, increases
steadily as a Sun Thane advances in Kai rank. -> and the duration of the effect increase steadily as
a Sun Thane advances in Kai rank.
(er) Improved Disciplines: (sun thane grand pathsmanship) The volume of water affected, and the
duration of effect, -> The volume of water affected and the duration of effect
(er) 18: one of the two remaining monsters -> ? one of the monsters [lm: There are still three of
them on this path]
(er) 22: Halt Missile [lm: The spell described in this section is
Invisible Shield]
(er) 25: A small circle of curious courtiers gather -> A small circle of
curious courtiers gathers
(er) 41, 52, 175, 212: power word -> ? Power Word
(er) 54: you barge this portal open [lm: I only mention this because of our earlier di scussion
about 'barge' used as a transitive verb. The usage here sounds correct to me.]
(er) 65: backpack -> ? Backpack
(er) 71, 136, 254: [lm: Ought the tomb robbers to get the illuminatus
bonus?]
(er) 86: the imperial family have -> the imperial family has
(er) 100: are the imperial family -> is the imperial family
(er) 105, 121: Next day -> ? The next day [so: This seems OK to me.]
(er) 123, 167, 246, 286: the imperial family are -> the imperial family
is
(er) 140: the imperial family of Chai are -> the imperial family of Chai
is
(er) 144: weapon skill -> ? weaponskill
(er) 187: Papers of State -> ? papers of state [so: This is probably correct, since it is referring
to specific legal documents.]
(er) 172, 225: weapon -> Kai Weapon
(er) 198: The scouting party have -> The scouting party has
(er) 198: A small circle of curious courtiers gather -> A small circle of
curious courtiers gathers
(er) 204: His gang have -> His gang has
(er) 249: sounds of the fighting attracts -> sounds of the fighting attract [lm: OR sound of the
fighting attracts]
(er) 283: his troupe of entertainers cease their activities and file -> his troupe of entertainers
ceases their activities and files
(ft) 172, 225: [lm: Ought there to be a footnote here clarifying that you may not use your Kai
Weapon in this combat. 'Dropping' the weapon might be interpreted as dropping it by your side or
within reaching distance, or also to clarify whether or not you may draw another Weapon in the
seconds that it takes the robber to reach you.]
Phew!
--
Simon Osborne
Project Aon
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