[projectaon] 25totw errata
- From: Jonathan Blake <blake.jon@xxxxxxxxx>
- To: Project Aon List <projectaon@xxxxxxxxxxxxx>
- Date: Mon, 25 Apr 2011 11:15:39 -0700
Since we now have the illustration for Trail of the Wolf illustrations
ready, the time has come for the final push to get it published. I'll
get it started by responding to a few errata.
(er) 8: Clunk!. -> Clunk! [onomatopoeia: ne]
Why not "clunk!"? Do we often capitalize onomatopoeiae?
(er) 11, 39, 219, 256: change “turn to the section of this book” to
something reflecting online edition. [SD]
I don't think this is necessary, and I don't remember changing this
kind of language before. Otherwise, we'd have to change "turn to XXX"
to "go to XXX" everywhere because there's no literal "turning" in an
online edition.
(er) 12: this bacteria -> these bacteria (or: this bacterium) [SD: Not
sure. Bacteria = plural of bacterium. I can see what JD is trying to
say, inviting the player to take portions of one type of bacterium.]
Although correct, does this make it sound distractingly pretentious? I
personally use data/datum and errata/erratum (and
onomatopoeiae/onomatopoeia) correctly, for example, but I realize that
probably trips some people up when they're listening to me (and makes
me sound pretentious). The word "bacteria" is often used as a
singular, so do we want to distract the majority of readers who
couldn't decline a Latin noun if their life depended on it?
(er) 35: Dargorse buds -> Dargorse Buds [ik: as everywhere else in
this book] [SO: The Dargorse Buds are not in your possession at this
moment; either Dargorse Buds or dargorse buds]
Unless Dargorse is a location that I've forgotten about, I'd say
"dargorse buds".
(er) 38: This section is currently orphaned.
Not much that we can do here except footnote it. Section 44 would have
led here, but it already has a choice to use Magi-Magic which leads to
301 where you lose 4 EP instead of 2.
(er) 40: [B]lack [A]mulet. But as soon [SD: Problem: starting a
sentence with “but”. I propose replacing the full stop with a comma.
This is endemic throughout the book)!]
[SO: Other sections with sentences starting with But: 56, 78, 81, 90,
92, 94, 96, 110, 145, 191, 211, 221, 231, 248, 275, 279, 283, 307,
310, 343, 347]
Contrary to what we were told in school beginning a sentence with
"and", "but", etc. isn't necessarily wrong. Beginning an English
sentence with a conjunction has a long tradition: "And the earth was
without form, and void;" (Genesis 1:2, King James Version Bible) But
it can be overdone.
In the case of section 40, I think we should get rid of the "But"
because it doesn't really add to the meaning of the sentence. Other
sections have cases where it seems more appropriate to join the
sentences. So I guess I should spend some time looking at that list...
: /
Pedantic as I am, I can't help pointing out that you probably meant
"epidemic" instead of "endemic". ;)
(er) 61, 106, 129, 232, 251, 282: petrified forest of Helkona ->
petrified Forest of Helkona [??]
It is always referred to as the "forest of Helkona", so maybe the
forest doesn't have a name: it's just the forest belonging to Helkona,
like the hills of Tennessee or the beaches of the French Riviera?
I agree with the following changes:
~~~~~
(er) 6: shadowy alcove. And, to the left [SD: Problem: starting a
sentence with “and”. Could remove “And” without disturbing the flow of
the text]
[SO: Other sections with sentences starting with And: 75, 106]
(er) 11, 300: pole-arms -> polearms (as per 24rw:31; 25totw:155;
28thos:54 [x2], 237) [ik]
(er) 22, 206: its swirling black form -> his swirling black form [SD:
In sections 59, 88, 191, 196: Zorkaan is referred to as a character:
he, his, him, etc. Also, GM knows full well what/who this swirling
black form is]
(er) 26, 77, 193: section of the landing and stairs are -> section of
the landing and stairs is
(er) 32: coast is still clear and so you leave -> coast is still
clear, so you leave [SD: Sounds better, and to make it consistent with
section 118]
(er) 37, 283: stone and mortar crumbles -> stone and mortar crumble
(er) 55: not budge; it is -> not budge: it is
(er) 66: pair of Bone Dice rest -> pair of Bone Dice rests
(er) 66, 339: in your Backpack [remove]
(er) 66, 339: A pair of Bone Dice rest on the table and two Spears lie
on the floor beside it. (If you want to keep any of these items in
your Backpack, [lm: I'd imagine the dice to be a special item, but at
any rate the spears would not be carried in the backpack] [so: delete
"in your Backpack"?]
~~~~~
--
Jon
~~~~~~
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