[pr0k] FW: Watch what you drink this weekend!!!!

  • From: "Toks Solarin" <toks@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx>
  • To: <pr0k@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx>
  • Date: Fri, 6 Sep 2002 14:11:19 +0100

-----Original Message-----
From: Wayland Standing=20
Sent: 06 September 2002 12:31
To: GTA3 NonWork
Subject: FW: Watch what you drink this weekend!!!!

Wonder what Gin and pineapple is?

>A recent magazine survey, interviewed fifty bartenders and they were
>asked if they could identify a customer's personality on what drinks
>they ordered? Although interviewed separately, they concurred on
>almost all counts.
>The results:
>Personality: Casual, low maintenance; down to earth.
>Approach: Challenge her to a game of pool.
>Cocktails or Blender drinks with umbrella:
>Personality: Flaky, annoying, dizzy, and a pain in the ass.
>Approach: Avoid her, unless you want to be her cabin boy.
>Mixed drinks - no umbrellas e.g.; Scotch and soda:
>Personality: Mature, has picky taste; knows what she wants
>Approach: If she wants you, she'll send YOU a drink.
>Personality: Pretentious and is looking for a serious
>Approach: Don't
>Wine - (bottled, not 4 litre cask):
>Personality: Conservative and classy, sophisticated.
>Approach: Try and weave Paris and clothing into the
>Bacardi Breezer, Red Square, Archers, Smirnoff Ice, etc:
>Personality: Easy; thinks she is trendy and sophisticated
>actually has absolutely no clue.
>Approach: Make her feel smarter than she is... and you're
>Cape Velvet:
>Personality: Annoying voice, bit of a tart.
>Approach: Stand close and mention the alley next to the
>Shots and Slammers (Tequila, Vodka, Aftershock etc.):
>Personality: Hangs around with male work pals or looking to
>drunk... and naked.
>Approach: Easiest hit in the pub, Nothing to do but wait...

>IF MEN DRINK... (As always, very simple and clear cut.)

>Cider: He's probably under-aged and wants to get laid.
>Cheap Domestic Beer: He's poor / student and wants to get laid.
>Premium Local Beer: He likes good beer and wants to get laid.
>Imported Beer: He's old; he likes good beer and wants to get laid.
>Guinness: The man is a rapist and will get laid one way or another.
>Water: He just threw up and is trying to wash the taste out of his
>so that he can still get laid.
>Wine: He's hoping that the wine thing will give him a sophisticated
>image and help him get laid.
>Vodka or Brandy: Extremely horny hound, would shag a warm scarf.
>Desperate to get laid.
>Port: Thinks he's sophisticated, secretly likes men and wants to get
>Whisky: He doesn't give two $hits about anything and will hit anyone
>will get in his way of getting laid.
>Jack Daniels: Not as masculine as the whisky drinker, knows all about
>feminine activities (knitting, crochet etc.) to weasel himself into
>getting laid.
>Rum or Tequila: Likes fighting almost as much as getting laid.
>Bacardi Breezer, Red Square, Archers, Smirnoff Ice, etc: He's gay
>(blatantly) - don't turn your back or pick up any dropped change.

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  • » [pr0k] FW: Watch what you drink this weekend!!!!