Hi Tru
Wow, what an atmospheric poem. I love the intricacies at play here, creating an
almost ethereal quality. Stand outs for me were:
Comparing the sea to being ‘fluid as worry’
‘makes unmakes’ (effective as a stand-alone line)
‘Though tuneless, whoops and whooshes and wheels like a bird’s wing searching
for its mirror’
‘I am lured by wet tongues that strive to lick the shore’
And then the whole ‘Howl to me, waters!’ is just brilliant. I wonder if
‘Tree-tips edged black lace’ should be in the present tense, as you’re
describing a scene unfolding, and consider losing the last line so the poem
simply ends on ‘reborn’.
Julie
From: purplepoet purplepoet
Sent: Friday, 18 January 2019 12:28 PM
To: poetryseason2@xxxxxxxxxxxxx
Subject: [poetryseason2] Tru's poetry draft wk 1
