Hi Jessi
The detail in this poem is wonderful, and the sense of one’s own body is
familiar and yet strange. I particularly like:
‘a victim of seasonal amnesia’
‘dust clusters floating on cold milk surface’
‘We are learning my body together, together navigating its newness’ (could you
lose the second ‘together’ here maybe?)
‘Sob cracks through like clay heated too quick’ (this is my favourite, but
maybe ‘quickly’ instead?)
And the mantra of body parts at the end is powerful, trying to reconnect to the
whole again.
Julie
From: Jessica C
Sent: Friday, 18 January 2019 6:17 PM
To: poetryseason2@xxxxxxxxxxxxx
Subject: [poetryseason2] Summer Poem
Hi everyone,
Reading your poems is a delight - don’t think I’ve ever enjoyed checking my
emails quite this much.
Well I suppose I can’t put this off any longer; here is the first draft of my
poem ‘Shrinking’.
Cheers,
Jessi
