Hi Wahibe, this is a powerful exploration of self, a personal & monumental
apocalypse through these strata journeys from outside to inside & vice versa as
the poem’s narrator enters the cave, then the door in the later stanzas. Such
transformative images via ancient, transpersonal symbolism, I found. Strengths
for me include the run-on first sentences that are clear and lead the reader on
w the narrator in the moment. The voice seems to switch to a type of
stream-of-consciousness during the apocalyptical break-down which doesn’t
quite work for me, detracting from the poem’s journey. It’s a fantastic device
that shows the narrator’s fragile mental state but it feels like too much or
too forced in places (perhaps the wordplay took over the meaning?). I’d cut it
a bit, to keep the subject’s clear momentum and the structural (and emotional)
balance of the poem; to show the emotional ‘tight-rope’ of this difficult
journey, as it were. I think the ending works but would keep the run-on
language consistent by omitting ‘was’. Overall, a deeply felt exploration that
covers so much micro and macro cosmic ground. Great stuff!
Care, Tru
Sent from my iPhone
On 25 Jan 2019, at 10:57 pm, Wahibe Moussa <wtmoussa@xxxxxxxxx> wrote:
Hi all, its been a pleasure reading your poems today. Sorry for my lateness.
If anyone has questions about the Apocalypse or the Book of Revelations, feel
free to drop me a line
wxx
<apokalypsis_WahibeMoussa.pdf>
Wahibe Moussa.
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