Hi Lothar and everyone!
Thanks for bringing this important topic up.
Since 1988, I have been working almost every week between 50-80 hours,
until a couple of years ago. What really helped me was that 1) I am
meditating twice a day, 2) I loved my job (for me it has been like
getting paid to do my hobby - yeah, I know it is sad :-) ), 3) It is
always new things to learn och dig deeper, 4) other people have valued
what I am doing and the result from it. It makes me think of the
Japanese term "ikigai" which I think they shallowly translates as
"happiness" but on a deeper level, something that gives you a positive
view of the future even if it doesn't feel like that in the present.
Someone defined ikigai as the answer to these four questions: 1) What do
I love? 2) What am I good at? 3) What can I get paid for? 4) What does
the world need? For me, programming, working with performance problems
and troubleshooting mysteries have given me ikigai. Of course, not every
day is just sunshine. When I worked for Oracle Premium Support
1997-2001, I was close to hit the wall a couple of times, but I think my
meditation saved me.
I have a big interest in a psychology method called the Enneagram, which
is like Meyer-Briggs Type Indicator, but as I see it, has a - for me -
better process to understand one's personality and get more experience
of our true essence/self, and it also has a spiritual depth that I like.
The Enneagram says mention three intelligences, the mental, emotional
and body intelligence; and also three biological instincts: the
self-preserved, the sexual and the social. All of us have all three
intelligences and instincts but in both areas we have one or two
favourites and one or two blind spots. Which makes us unbalanced. What I
have learned and as helped me, is that it is easy to only focus on what
I am good at and what I like, but by overusing these intelligences and
instincts, it makes my life unbalanced. So my blind spots are the body
intelligence and social. After a tough working day where I have spent a
lot of mental energy, and I don't want to see anyone or do anything, it
has really helped me to step out of myself, take a look at myself and
ask, what do I really need in this situation? Is it to go home and soft,
or go against my mind and feelings, and maybe meet a good friend or do
physical activities. To use another intelligence than the mental. For
me, climbing was a great exercise, I couldn't think of work, then I fell
down from the cliff or wall, and I don't like that, so my survival
instinct immediately made me focus on here and now. And after some
hours, the working day were very far away. Another activities that
helped me were listening to music, playing in a band, helping others,
doing charity/volunteer work. So I think balance if important, and I
don't know how many "impossible" problems I have solved by letting them
go and doing climbing, bass playing, meditation... :-)
Lothar, what do you like to do? What makes you feel like a child that
wants to play with something and never stop. What gives you energy,
enjoyment? Do you want to create something? What attracts your
right-brain (art, painting, singing, playing).
If you don't do meditation but what like to try, then my advice as a
meditation instructor would be to 1) decide a place in your house where
you want to meditate (this should be decided before you even start), 2)
choose a time period that is so short so it is impossible to say that
you don't have time (I would suggest 2-3 minutes). 3) Then find a time
during the day when you can hopefully be undisturbed for these 2-3
minutes (and if you get disturbed, no problem, that is life), 4) sit
down in a comfortable position but not so you fall asleep. Choose if you
want to have your eyes open (more difficult to fall asleep) or not (more
easy to relax and focus inward). In the beginning, just sit there and
observe. You don't need to achieve or learn anything. Progress is
unimportant. Notice, what is happening, what do I hear, feel, think? 5)
When you have done that for a few days (trust me, most of my "students"
at work they are not able to take these 2-3 minutes per day, so if you
can do it 3-7 times a week, you are on a good path. It should be simple
to help you build up a routine. After that you can start to trying to
let go of all inner messages, thoughts, feelings. Just see them as
clouds in the sky. They come and they go. Don't attach to them or try to
follow them. We you notice that you are lost in a thought, feeling or
inner movie, say "thanks and goodbye". And after that, you can extend
the period and start using your breath as the meditation object. Just do
it as simple as you can. Your ego will probably hate this and tell you
that it is unproductive, useless, getting you nowhere... bla bla bla (to
quote a famous Swedish girl).
One good thing to really make changes permanent or starting new routines
is to tell someone else about it. If you have a partner or friend, who
you can tell that you will start meditating, doing martial
art/yoga/singing in a choir, and maybe even get someone to do it with
you, then it can help to make the activity into a daily/weekly routine.
I will just finish with what I call the miracle question: What would I
like to do if I knew that I couldn't/wouldn't fail?
I wish you (and everyone else) all the best and if do some changes in
your life, please let us know. You are not alone.
Peace profound /Jocke
2021-12-12 00:01 skrev Melanie Caffrey:
By the way, Lothar, it should be said that you are to be commended for
bringing up this thread.
So hats off to you for this. Sincerely.
It is very important to let people know how valued they are, and the fact
that you are thinking of them in this way is admirable.
Some other suggestions for your colleagues:
1) Avoid social media, if possible. (It is the junk food of the brain. Your
colleagues may be able to manage how much of the junkiness of it they
consume, but most people are not. There is always yet another dumbass,
infuriating thing to click on. Plus, it is highly addictive, and that's never
good.)
2) Adopt a pet.
(I cannot more strongly recommend both of those above things for increased
mental health and decreased stress.)
3) CALM is an awesome app.
4) Here's a good mantra: "1) Don't sweat the small stuff. 2) Remember that it
is all small stuff." COVID-19 shines a harsh light on that reality when we
are busy worrying about how very important we are in the world.
5) Do something charitable. By this I don't mean they should engage in
virtue-signaling on Twitter or anything like that. I mean if they see
something they can help with or change for the better, they should just do
it, without looking for thanks or praise. I've been volunteering with a
project through a local hospital to improve digital tools for dementia
patient caregivers. I'd like to say it's rewarding, but currently it's
frustrating. I do plan to persevere, however, in the hope that I and the
other caregivers can make a difference.
6) Play just as hard as you work. And nothing beats physical activity in this
endeavor. Physical activity also helps to stave off dementia down the road.
7) Concentrate on your loved ones. They are often the last to get your full
attention.
8) Offer suggestions before complaints. (Creativity is a huge stress
reducer.)
9) Take it easy on the alcohol. (I know. Not as fun as we'd like, but it does
make a difference.)
10) Then of course, as we've all said: sleep, sleep, and sleep some more.
11) Every day, carve out time just. for. you.
And these are (relatively) easy things to do to get started and make them
feel like they are more in control of things.
HTH.
On Fri, Dec 10, 2021 at 10:21 AM Lothar Flatz <l.flatz@xxxxxxxxxx> wrote:
Hi Guys
I mean to teach my collogues that they do a straining job (as DBAs in
Managed Service). They have to understand to take care of themselves.
By tradition we define a tough job as physically challenging. I think we
underestimate mental work.
In some way I got the effect measured in 2011. I used to play chess
tournaments since I was 16.
In 2011 I played one tournament at Monday and one on Friday.
On Monday I scored 1st Rank with an ELO performance
(https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Elo_rating_system [1]) of >= 2200 and on
Friday I had an Elo performance of roughly 1800. (Elo performance means
that just one tournament is measured.)
Thus I effectively lost 3 levels due exhaustion by work . I stopped
playing tournaments. It is no fun to be reduced to expert when you can
play on national master level.
If you would please share your thoughts on how though IT Jobs are and
how you deal with it? Maybe you can also point me to some good articles.
Thanks
Lothar
