[madmanhi] Fw: Are these gems or pearls?
- From: "Glenda Berlin" <dmarc-noreply@xxxxxxxxxxxxx> (Redacted sender "gldberlin@xxxxxxxxx" for DMARC)
- To: Madmanhi <madmanhi@xxxxxxxxxxxxx>, "madmahozj@xxxxxxxxxxxxx" <madmahozj@xxxxxxxxxxxxx>
- Date: Tue, 11 Nov 2014 08:59:32 -0800
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Sent: Sunday, November 2, 2014 3:55 PM
Subject: FW: Are these gems or pearls?
From:mjasp813@xxxxxxx [mailto:mjasp813@xxxxxxx]
Sent: Friday, October 31, 2014 4:39 AM
To: Undisclosed recipients:
Subject: Are these gems or pearls?
> ENJOY A FEW GOOD LAUGHS TODAY!!
>
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit.
>>>>>Wisdom is not using it in a fruit salad.
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>>Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say to myself, 'Lillian, you
>>>>>should have
>>>>>remained a virgin.'
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>>- Lillian Carter (mother of Jimmy Carter)
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>><><>
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>>I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not
>>>>>pleased to read the description in the catalogue: - 'No good in a bed, but
>>>>>fine against a wall.'
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>>- Eleanor Roosevelt
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>><><>
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>>Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen.
>>>>>I have since been visited by her sister, and now wish to withdraw that
>>>>>statement.
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>>- Mark Twain
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>><><>
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>>The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending;
>>>>>and to have the two as close together as possible.
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>>- George Burns
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>><><>
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>>Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year.
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>>- Victor Borge
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>><><>
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>>Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>>- Mark Twain
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>><><>
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>>By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you
>>>>>get a bad one,
>>>>>you'll become a philosopher.
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>>- Socrates
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>><><>
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>>I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>>- Groucho Marx
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>><><>
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>>My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she
>>>>>stops to breathe.
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>>- Jimmy Durante
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>><><>
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>>I have never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back.
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>>- Zsa Zsa Gabor
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>><><>
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>>Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food
>>>>>groups:
>>>>>alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat.
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>>- Alex Levine
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>><><>
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>>My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying.
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>>- Rodney Dangerfield
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>><><>
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>>Money can't buy you happiness .... But it does bring you a more pleasant
>>>>>form of misery.
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>>- Spike Milligan
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>><><>
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>>Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was SHUT UP.
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>>- Joe Namath
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>><><>
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>>I don't feel old. I don't feel anything until noon. Then it's time for my
>>>>>nap.
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>>- Bob Hope
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>><><>
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>>I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>>- W. C. Fields
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>><><>
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>>We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way
>>>>>through Congress.
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>>- Will Rogers
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>><><>
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>>Don't worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older, it will avoid
>>>>>you.
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>>- Winston Churchill
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>><><>
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>>Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty, but everything else starts to
>>>>>wear out,
>>>>>fall out, or spread out.
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>>- Phyllis Diller
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>><><>
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>>By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go
>>>>>anywhere.
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>>- Billy Crystal
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>>And the cardiologist's diet: if it tastes good spit it out.
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>>May your troubles be less, may your blessings be more, and
>>>>>may nothing but happiness come through your door.
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>
>
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