[m-w] Re: My response

  • From: Sandy Dohallow <sdohallow@xxxxxxxxxxx>
  • To: Dan Martin <m-w@xxxxxxxxxxxxx>, KAREN STONE <stoney19018@xxxxxxxxxxx>, Kathi Pieper <kathi.pieper@xxxxxxxxx>, Mike Martin <drsewnsew@xxxxxxxxxxx>, sandy dohallow <sandra.dohallow@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx>
  • Date: Mon, 29 Jun 2009 00:08:23 +0000

Sorry, we just got back from camping and I just now checked my e-mail only, 
once again, to find the shit has hit the fan.   


I really don't like being confrontational and would MUCH prefer everyone just 
get along through all of this, but you have managed to make that impossible.  I 
have no "agenda" as you say other than to have the process go as smoothly as 
possible without the entire family never speaking to each other at the end.  
Unfortunately that is not your "agenda".  For you, it's all about YOU.  The 
reason I prefer not to respond to your e-mails is mainly because they come off 
as ranting and raving about everybody being out "to get you and screw you".  
The last two times I have spoken to you on the phone (right after Dan & Katrina 
left from Zach's graduation and the last call you made to me last Monday), you 
have managed to twist everything I have said and turned in into whatever you 
wanted, and then proceeded to tell everyone on this list your version of our 
conversations.  That puts me in a very bad position and I really don't 
appreciate it at all.  I really don't appreciate you telling everyone that Dan 
& Katrina and I discussed the estate and "left you out" while they were here.  
That was completly not true.  We merely had a conversation and I relayed to you 
the jist of what was discussed to make sure you didn't feel like we were out to 
"sabatouge you" and leave you out.  There were no decisions made or anything 
set in stone.  It was just a conversation!!!  Instead, you get your feelings 
hurt because you weren't invited in on the conversation.  That is not my 
fault!!  You said you waited by the phone for a call from us.  Did it occur to 
you to call us and see what the plans were for that day???  That's all it would 
have taken.  But of course, then you couldn't be the martyr and could continue 
to fuel your fire of everyone being out to screw you.   We didn't leave the 
house until after noon.  If we new you were interested in going somewhere with 
us I'm sure that would have been fine.    I WILL NOT appologize for having a 
nice, pleasant, fun visit while they were here, and don't feel that I should 
HAVE to, simply because your feelings were hurt.

When you called on Monday (while I was at work and really didn't have time to 
go into a deep discussion about what should and shouldn't be done),  I did NOT 
say anything about hurting anyone's feeling.  If you recall, I did mention that 
perhaps since Mike and Dan were much closer to the entire situation than you 
and I (since they saw Mom every day while we are living up here) that perhaps 
they weren't ready to deal with things in your timeframe.  Everyone grieves in 
their own way and in their own time.  Sorry if that doesn't fit into your 
timeframe.  We have lost both our parents in a very short period of time (Mom's 
so sudden and unexpected) and you never mention anything about that.  It 
suddenly has become ALL about the money with you and the fact you feel you're 
getting screwed over.  That is all in your mind.  I don't feel that anyone is 
out to screw you or anyone else!!!!!  I, for one am still trying to cope with 
the fact of Mom's passing and am not in any hurry to get everything "settled" 
as quickly as possible as you apparently are.

As for Karen's comments in her e-mail, they were no more inapproiate than the 
ones you have sent implying everyone was out to screw you over in the past 
months!!!   Have you read any of the schathing rants you have written?????  
Accusing everyone of lying and trying to cheat you??  I believe the same thing 
could be said about you as far as not caring about hurting anyone else's 
feelings!!!!  While you are ranting on and on about doing things the way you 
feel they should be done, and getting it all done as quickly as possible (for 
what reason, I don't know),  not once have you mentioned putting a headstone on 
our Mother's grave.  To me that is WAY more important than any of the rest of 
it.  If you have so much time on your hands that you can get up on a Sunday 
morning and spend God knows how long sending another of your accusatory and 
hateful e-mails, maybe that time could be better spent trying to find your 
Mother a headstone.  Or does that not matter to you??  Are you only interested 
in getting any money you can and to hell with whether our Mother lays in an 
unmarked grave forever???  

It appears to me, you, and only you, are the only one bickering and causing 
hard feelings by trying to make everyone bend to your timeframe.  I really 
don't see what the big hurry is.  I would much rather Mom still be here than to 
spend my time worrying about how I can gain financially from her death!!!  That 
is the very last thing on my mind at this point.  I hate to sound like a bitch, 
but you have really left me no choice.  Going forward, I would appreciate any 
communication that occurs between you and I to be through e-mails.  At least 
that way it will be clear as to who said what and then you can twist it around 
in your mind any way you feel like.  I'm tired of the arguing and accusations 
that come with each and every one of your e-mails and would prefer you leave me 
out of them if your only intent is to twist my words and cause more dissention. 
 Clearly you and I have completely different ideas on how things should happen 
and in what order.  I do not and may never understand what is causing you to 
act this way.  If it is financial,  what would you do if Mom hadn't passed 
away?  I'm sure you would deal with it like all of us have to on a daily basis 
and wouldn't be in such a hurry to "get your hands on the money you feel you 
deserve" from this tragedy.  


I will have the paper Mike sent notarized tomorow morning and get it in the 
mail.  I'm sorry it has taken me so long to retutn it, but with all the e-mails 
flying back and forth, I wanted to wait  until the dust settled and make sure 
everyone was in agreement with this decision.  As far as I can tell, from 
talking to everyone, we are all in agreement except Kathi.  I do, however agree 
with her that we should all have the back up for things that have transpired to 
this point and will appreciate it if you could send the copies to us all.  I 
feel they will be needed by all of us when we file our taxes for this year.  It 
sounds like you are on top of it and I thank you for that.  I know we all work 
for a living and it is hard to make the time to do these things and I 
appreciate your efforts thus far.   Hopefully things will go smoother going 

Love you all,


From: drsewnsew@xxxxxxxxxxx
To: m-w@xxxxxxxxxxxxx
CC: diana.martin@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Subject: [m-w] Re: My response
Date: Sun, 28 Jun 2009 14:04:24 -0500

  OK everyone, it is me Lucy, and I will try to answer all your concerns as 
best as I can.   
I do not know what "plan" you are referring to at the bottom of page one.  If 
you are talking about the "Application for Independent Administration", you are 
holding that in your hand.  All this form does is appoint Michael as 
"Independent Administrator".  Since there was no "Independent Executor" 
appointed in the will this is necessary so only one person will have to sign 
documents to wind up the Estate.  He can not even touch the bank account or 
find out about the life insurance without these "Letters of Administration".  
They will not talk to him without it.  If you do not feel Michael is 
"Independent" enough then appoint me.  I have the ability to be independent due 
to the ethics that I have to practice in my career.  I have also handled many 
Estate returns in my time.  While you may have 4 years to probate the Estate 
nothing can be done until it is done.
The rental amount was received along with the appraisal to get an idea of what 
we were dealing with.  It is not written in concrete, it was obtained so 
everyone can make an educated decision as to what to do with the property.  As 
of this date that decision has not been made.  The will needs to be probated 
and other issues settled before that decision can be made.
We have discussed many times how the amount for the check for $4,246.11 was 
arrived at.  The annuity was left to Michael and Michael alone.  He decided to 
share it with the rest of you.  He was the direct beneficiary of that amount so 
the whole amount will be taxed to us on 1099R next year.  It is not part of the 
Estate that is to be divided amount the 6 of you.  While he loves all of you he 
is not willing to bear the tax burden on the full amount.  The tax is not on 
the Estate since the money did not go to the Estate, it was a direct bequest to 
Michael.  We took out 30% to cover the taxes that will imposed on our return 
and then divided the remainder by 6.  When I do the 2009 return and 30% was too 
much, we will refund the difference to you.   The Gross Distribution was 
$36,395.26.  Less the 30% left $25,476.68.  Divided by 6 was $4,246.11.  I will 
send documentation later on with some other stuff.
I do not know what idea you heard about Dan dealing with the "in" and ''out" 
groups of selling the house.  Dan please explain.
I do not know why your sisters are not responding to your emails.
The lawyer was communicating with me because I was talking to him on other 
subjects and just asked how things were going.  He thought I was asking on 
Michael's behalf and responded to me. That has now been taken care of.  The 
title does not need to transferred to all 6 names.  In Texas, the minute 
someone dies everything then belongs to the Estate of ......  The Esate will be 
responsible to distributing the assets, paying any bills, etc.  That is why is 
it more efficient to have only one person handling it and not six.  That is 
what the "Letters of Administration" will allow Michael to do.  The bank 
account needs to be changed and the insurance looked into.  None of that can be 
accomplished with out these letters.  Yes tax returns need to be filed.  We are 
still looking to see if she even needs to file one.  As last resort we will 
contact the IRS for a copy of last years retun and any 2008 information they 
have on file.  Then when a decision is made to sell or rent an Estate tax 
return will be due next year to reflect this decision.  That return will also 
eventually show the distribution of the assets.
Answers to questions:
1.  Title needs to be changed to Estate name since the Estate now owns 
2.  We are probably going to have to pay Joe since it was not a straight 
forward will.  Since it was hand written and not witnessed it is more 
3.  No discussion that I know of
4.  No, I will take care of it when I get the information
5.  No decision on rent that I know of.
The only copy of the will is at the lawyers.  Michael did not make a copy of it 
before taking it to him.  I will get copies of the bank statements and send 
them to everyone along with a copy of the will and the documentation of the 
annuity distribution.
Dan please bring the bank statement for your mom's account (now the Estate) to 
work on Monday and I will put them in the package to send to everyone.  I would 
like to see January to May just to stop all this back and forth.  Also if you 
can find any tax return information that would be great too.  There should be a 
Social Security statement, a 1099R from her IRA and Bank interest.
I do not know answers to your other questions.  
I hope this email explains things to everyone.  Diana is now on the list of 
I know you do not want me butting in, but someone has to put a stop to all this 
If you have any other concerns or question, just let me know and I will try to 
get it resolved.


Date: Sun, 28 Jun 2009 09:30:47 -0600
Subject: [m-w] My response
From: kathi.pieper@xxxxxxxxx
To: m-w@xxxxxxxxxxxxx

Here is what has gone on - I am not going to sign anything until I have the 
plan that is supposed to accompany the form Mike sent (referred to at the 
bottom of the first page of the form).  It seems every one of you has your own 
agenda to the point that Karen's email received no response from a single one 
of you - except Mike to say "thanks for understanding."  Apparently, you don't 
care whether what she said is true or false or hurtful.  Thanks.  We have four 
years to probate the estate.  I still need the papers that I have requested 
numerous times.  

March 26th - Mike sent out an email regarding a fair rental amount for the 
April 16th - I sent a message asking whether or not a decision had been made on 
whether or not the plan was to rent.  In that email I asked what had been 
discussed with the attorney
May 4th - I acknowledged receipt of the check for $4246.11 and asked for detail 

May 5th - Mike replied that he withheld 30% for taxes.  I cannot find any 
information that states there will be tax on estates until the funds exceed 
May 28th - I sent an email explaining that I did not think Sandy would have 
enough time to deal with estate issues and that I was not going to be heading 
to Houston.  Also included information that I had heard on idea Dan had on 
possible ways to deal with the "in" and "out" groups on selling the house. NOTE 
TO Karen - read it again - it was NOT my idea to liquidate based on the 

June 10th - sent a note to Sandy asking how the trip went. No reply
June 11th - sent a note to Karen asking how the trip went. No reply
June 15th - sent an email to the MW list asking what was going on.  Mike 
replied that Joe the lawyer is doing his communicating through Lucy.  He also 
stated that we needed to appoint an executor, title needs to be transferred out 
of Mom's name (currently it is in Dad's name) and put into one of all of our 
names; tax return needs to be filed.  
June 15th - I responded to Mike's email directly to him and offered to handle 
the matters.  Also responded to the MW list and asked why the title would be 
put in any one individual's name rather than "estate".  No response
June 16th - received from Mike a copy of some article he found on how long 
probate takes and the cost.
June 16th - I responded with some information that contradicted the one Mike 
sent.  I also asked the following questions:
1. Why does the name on the title need to be changed? Actually should have been 
changed out of Dad's name a long time ago. 
2. Are we paying Joe?  
3. Was any discussion held about the inventory of assets?
4. Do you want me to file Mom's taxes?
5. What was the decision on rent?
No answers so far
June 17th - I sent an email to the MW group.  No responses.
June 19th - Received from Mike a note - Diana, change as needed, the rest, 
proceed at your discretion.  Forms naming mike as executor and no additional 

June 19th - I responded again asking what the plan is, what the forms are for, 
what are we agreeing to and requesting (again) copies of Mom's will, 
distribution paperwork, Mom's bank statement, and additional questions.
June 20th - Received Mike's immature "throw his hands up" response and the 
advice that he felt he should have kept all the funds that were in Mom's savings
June 22nd - called Sandy to ask why no one was responding.  She only could 
think that no one wanted to hurt anyone elses feelings
June 23rd - received Karen's response - FINALLY.  Apparently she has no concern 
over hurting feelings.  Just make up a bunch of crap and throw it out there.  
Interestingly, no one responded and contradicted anything she said or called to 
say they felt it was a very inappropriate email.  

June 24th - Mike advised that Diana is not on the distribution list.

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