[lit-ideas] Re: Wednesday Poem

  • From: Eric Yost <eyost1132@xxxxxxxxxxxxx>
  • To: lit-ideas@xxxxxxxxxxxxx
  • Date: Sat, 17 Jun 2006 04:11:24 -0400

South Athens

Dear Mr. Cleanthes:

Thank you for your interest in Febrile Bank's Achilles and the Hare Reverse Mortgage. We are eager--some would say too eager--to help you maximize your financial freedom.

As you surely know, a reverse mortgage is a home loan that lets you convert a portion of the equity in your home into cold, hard, tangible, empirically-verifiable cash. Equity that was slowly, painstakingly built up over years of home mortgage payments (and all the moral and personal compromises involved with those payments) can now be paid back to you. Plus, no repayment is required until you no longer use the home as their principal residence. If you are dead and no longer use your home, you can pay us then.

Febrile can give you a head start of half the equity. When Febrile acquires half of the equity in your property, you will have already received 3/4 of the estimated total equity; when Febrile acquires 3/4 of the equity, we will have paid out 7/8 of the equity, and so on. Who wins? You do!

_Mr. Cleanthes_, now is the time to let _The Academy_ finance your personal Golden Age. You deserve it after all. A reverse mortgage on _The Academy_ could give you the assets you need to pursue your dreams -- a shadow puppet-show hundreds of feet below sunny Orlando, a black-and-white horse chariot ride around the world, or just the simple peace of mind that comes from knowing all your post-Socratics will be provided for. The only limit is your imagination (and of course the physical laws of the universe).

If you act now, you will receive a free commemorative coin bearing the likeness of Alcibiades, offer limited while supplies last.

Uncomfortably cordially,
Haywood Craven
Vice Preside Customer Relations
Febrile North America

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