[lit-ideas] Re: Thursday Poem

  • From: "John McCreery" <john.mccreery@xxxxxxxxx>
  • To: lit-ideas@xxxxxxxxxxxxx
  • Date: Fri, 23 Nov 2007 08:13:56 +0900

Lawrence,

I like this very much. The first two stanzas work really well for me.
I wonder, though, if the third couldn't be a little stronger if a
little less preachy. For example,

The shore with their
Complaints.   Are we
Are at war once again
Flowing into unknown seas
Losing their grip on earth
Dissolved into mud and silt

Oh, well. Thanks for the image.

John

On Nov 23, 2007 2:54 AM, Lawrence Helm <lawrencehelm@xxxxxxxxxxxxxx> wrote:
>
>
>
>
>
>
> There is an ebb ebbing.
>
> We share our little
>
> Language but we try,
>
> Some of us, to flow
>
> Beyond the banks
>
> Not realizing, usually,
>
> That we wash away
>
>
>
> Shrubs and weeds
>
> Which might have
>
> Contentedly grown
>
> Along these ways
>
> Indefinitely.  They resent
>
> Being turned into
>
> Jetsam and fringe
>
>
>
> The shore with their
>
> Complaints.   Are we
>
> Are at war once again
>
> Focusing as we do
>
> Upon our direction rather
>
> Their grasp of earth
>
> We negligently pass by?



-- 
John McCreery
The Word Works, Ltd., Yokohama, JAPAN
Tel. +81-45-314-9324
http://www.wordworks.jp/
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