[lit-ideas] The Catholics are coming! The Catholics are coming!

  • From: "Mike Geary" <atlas@xxxxxxxxxxxxx>
  • To: <lit-ideas@xxxxxxxxxxxxx>
  • Date: Mon, 7 Nov 2005 20:26:07 -0600

Court Could Tip to Catholic Majority
Some Say Slant Is Dangerous; Others See Historic Victory

By Alan Cooperman
Washington Post Staff Writer
Monday, November 7, 2005; Page A03

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Folks, I don't mean to alarm you -- but this is much more dire even than an 
avian flu pandemic.  For you Hereticals and you Jewish breth and sistrern, not 
to mention Muslimists, all you who are unfamiliar with Catholicism outside of 
Bing Crosby priest movies and the DaVinci Code, let me explain.  There are two 
kinds of Catholics in this world and it's important that you understand the 
difference between the two.  Take Jack Kennedy, for instance, he was a 
Catholic, but he worshipped Marilyn Monroe more than Mary the mother of God -- 
and who can blame him?  Who? you ask.  Canonical Catholics, that's who.  They 
who believe Jesus was serious when he said: "This is my body."  "Lost a lot of 
weight, haven't you?"  That's what I would have said had I been there, but 
alas, I was born 2000 years too late.  Another good punch line lost to bad 
timing.  Here's the deal, while all us liberals have been fretting about 
Protestant evangelicals taking over the world, there's been this cabal of 
Catholics plotting behind our backs.  Just ask Lance, he'll confirm all this.  
It started with Reagan in 1986 with his appointment of Scalia -- an Italian 
Catholic -- Italian, did you get that?  And where is the Catholic Church 
headquartered?  Not in Moscow.  And then Reagan again in 1988 with his 
appointment of Kennedy.  Hmmm.  Isn't that an Irish name?  And didn't Joyce 
call the Irish "a priest-ridden race"?  Yes, he did!!  Ah ha!  See the pattern 
forming?  Liberals still intoxicated with the Kennedy name thought this guy 
will surely vote for free love.  Wrong, wrong, wrong!  Then of course, there 
was Daddy Bush who gave us Clarence Thomas who scared every Liberal from 
Amherst, MA  to Zenia, CA with his "high tech lynching" speech.  "Oh, sorry, 
Mr. Thomas.  Forgive me, Mr Thomas."  After all, how conservative could a 
colored man be?  I mean really? Doesn't he carry the injustice of this culture 
in his very skin?  He'll be four square for justice even if he is a Republican. 
 Hahahahahaha. The Bushes laughed all the way to the Hoover Institute.  Now 
there's Roberts -- Bush baby's baby.  A the proposed 5th Catholic, Alito -- 
ahem, an Italian.  Hey, even the Popes don't have to be Italian anymore.  Clue 
these people in.  As a Catholic, though no longer a believer -- but once a 
Catholic, always a Catholic (what can I do?) -- I want to join the majority of 
non-Catholics in this world who dread the re-institution of the Inquisition 
soon to follow Alito's ascension to the Supreme Court.  Catholics are great 
drinkers and love to gamble, but they have lousy taste when it comes to 
governance.  Just look at Berlusconi.

Mike Geary
Memphis Catholic against his will.
  

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