[lit-ideas] Re: Taste of the pseudo-serious Poetaster

  • From: Paul Stone <pas@xxxxxxxx>
  • To: lit-ideas@xxxxxxxxxxxxx
  • Date: Mon, 28 Jun 2004 09:49:06 -0400

At 10:17 PM 6/27/2004, you wrote:
>Mike -
>You're the closest thing I've ever come to a good poet. Dashing those
>"ditties" off the way you do leaves me amazed.
Are you kidding, Mike begins NEXT Sunday's poems the second he pushes 
"send" on this week's. He doesn't know it, and won't admit it, but he is as 
diligent as Al Pope. He toils over a spigot while composing. He is so 
distracted by his poetastery, he sometimes tries to tighten bolts by 
turning them counter-clockwise -- especially while on his back and stuck in 
a crack. His aitchvac coverall is merely a distraction so that his 
"clients" [actually patrons of his craft] won't know what he's actually 
doing. He once thought for 3 hours (@ 65/hour) about a rhyne for "Allen 
wrench" and the best he could come up with was "ballin' wench" -- he's got 
a very dirty mind since he defected ya know.

But Mike has us all fooled with his scriblerian front. Do you know the 
etymology of "ditty"? He secretly craves to be the poet that he is, but 
like anyone humble boy, he demures upon suggestion that he's good. After 
all is done and he's washed the stink of copper and steel off his hands, he 
sits down and 'whips one off' for the benefit of the world. Nothing 
mastubatory about his ejaculations.

Never let it be said that Mike is a SERIOUS GODDAMNED POET. 'E'd be rumbled 

And now, here's a joke:

This lawn supervisor was out on a sprinkler maintenence job and he started 
working on a Findlay sprinkler head with a Langstrom 7" gangly wrench. Just 
then, this little apprentice leaned over and said, "You can't work on a 
Findlay sprinkler head with a Langstrom 7" wrench." Well this infuriated 
the supervisor, so he went and got Volume 14 of the Kinsley manual, and he 
reads to him and says, "The Langstrom 7" wrench can be used with the 
Findlay sprocket." Just then, the little apprentice leaned over and says, 
"It says sprocket not socket!"
"Steve Martin" from "let's get Small" (sometime in the '70s)

an even lesser poet who rarely shares anything he wrote himself.
merely mortar for the bricks of prophecy,

p.s. I don't know the etymology of "Ditty" and it was NOT a rhetorical 
p.p.s. "rhyne" was a (sic) a la JLS in which I was trying to, pace R. Paul, 
be one of "plain folk" 

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