[lit-ideas] Sunday Twofer
- From: David Ritchie <profdritchie@xxxxxxxxx>
- To: lit-ideas@xxxxxxxxxxxxx
- Date: Sun, 18 May 2014 11:41:53 -0700
One theory, from military example, is that historic events deserve portentous
handles. But what is historic? The answer was clearer in the era of E.H.Carr,
who was sure he could tell. Nowadays Carr's example of an event outside
history--the overturning of a barrow in a marketplace--might be included in a
narrative, particularly if the overturning happened somewhere or with the aid
of someone hitherto omitted. A decade back, not knowing we might be avant
garde, Stephen and I struggled with this issue when planning a cross country
trip to retrieve a Civil War sword that one of his ancestors had sent home (I
don't think the ancestor survived the war). As a descriptor of the trip we
were embarking upon, "Rolling Thunder" came up, the portentous phrase exactly
the opposite of apt; we had practically no horsepower so rolling was right,
especially downhill. But thunder? We thought not. We finally settled on some
version of the "Swordly Warpath"; now I hope to do better. One daughter and I
are embarked on a kind of staggered road-trip, driving first from L.A. to
Portland, and then from Cornwall to London, and then on a tour of Belgium's
First, Second and Napoleonic War battlefields. Each leg on the trip will be in
a different vehicle, so we cannot do what we did last summer and refer to Neil
Munro's tales about the Vital [Chevy] Spark. Maybe you can think what links
these routes? Poppies in two places, pasties in one, beer in all three? J.
suggested PPB, "Poppies, Pasties and Beer," but we agreed she's more a C.C.T.
"Cornish Cream Tea" than B, and I hope to catch and eat mackerel, so we could
end up with an acronym like that which Bill the Cat used to spit: PPBCCTM. The
story so far? Leaving behind L.A.'s extraordinary heat, we passed "Holy Cow
Farm," a wall mysteriously marked in letters fifteen foot high, "History," and
lots and lots of signboard and radio anger with President Obama. We stopped in
Modesto, which is more interesting than you might think, with a massive mansion
downtown, built by some guy who made money somehow, the Gallo Art Center, and a
monument to "American Graffiti," which wasn't filmed there. We drove on,
stopped for "The Tempest" in Ashland, watched a live broadcast of Arsenal
winning the cup. Back to the radio, "The president was born a banana...any
fool could tell you that." And this fool was. "The Blithering Daft Banana
Tour" doesn't do it for me and no doubt radio will be much better in Belgium.
Nothing daft about Belgium. Suggestions, please, to this address.
Hereabouts people have large yards, which many turn over to gardening services,
not chickens So workers come in truck to mow and blow and make infernal din.
"See that leaf corporal?"
"Leaf, sergeant?"
"LEAF, CORPORAL! IT DOES NOT BELONG. DISCIPLINE, CORPORAL, DISCIPLINE.
BLOWING IS CIVILISATION."
"Like ice, then?"
[Extra points for remembering this obscure line from "The Mosquito Coast"]
Blow machines blow and crack your wallets is what I'd make a movie about
hereabouts.
I've asked the chickens what they think about these noises.
"Our general consensus is that it's punishment or some sort, being meted out."
"Really?" I responded. "What would the infraction be?"
"You gods move in mysterious ways..."
"Your wonders to perform."
"But aren't you scared you'll be next?"
"Not a bit," said Wensleydale. "As long as we stay within fenced bounds."
"And remain observant," Mimo added.
"Religious and observant," said Cheddar.
"Hawks, of course, are a given."
"Blast them."
Came the chorus, "Blast all hawks."
There was a pause, with gentle but intrusive pecking; Cheddar has developed an
idea that corduroy trousers may contain worms.
Then a hopeful voice, "Don't suppose you've any of those new chips?"
On our return I had fed them stale potato chips, which they agreed are the best
thing yet invented. They've no idea there's popcorn in the offing. Also,
unfortunately, thunder.
David Ritchie,
Portland,
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