[lit-ideas] Sunday Twofer

  • From: David Ritchie <profdritchie@xxxxxxxxx>
  • To: lit-ideas@xxxxxxxxxxxxx
  • Date: Sun, 25 Nov 2012 12:29:20 -0800

Someone on Facebook asked me whether jews duel.  I've no expertise in the 
matter.  I'd think they may be held back, just like you and me, by the 
disastrous sword harvest of '03.  In 5254-5, however, there's evidence of a 
Polish rabbi, arriving to fight with a whip-like weapon made from a thousand 
split hairs.  Whether he beat orthodoxy, air, or some real opponent is 
unfortunately not recorded.

History shows that the first Telstar commercial satellite was knocked out of 
action by a U.S. hydrogen bomb test in July of '62.  The missile was launched 
from eight hundred miles west of Hawaii.  Americans were aiming at doughnuts in 
the Van Allen belts.  The upshot of the rocket launch was a realization that 
you could either have satellites or testing in space, not both. Thought two was 
that redundancy needs to be built into our communication systems because 
they're vulnerable to a powerful pulse that fritzes their bits.  Discussing 
these weighty matters, we laymen lay in the jacuzzi and came by roundabout 
route to biological redundancy: why is it that we have two of some things but 
only one of others?  Two kidneys, two testicles, two ovaries, two feet, two 
eyes, two nostrils, but only one liver, vagina, heart, penis.  We were of one 
mind on one thing, agreeing that two penises might be awkward.  For those of us 
who lack hairy tops, some additional redundancy of scalp surface, or doughnutty 
missile defense system might be nice. 

David Ritchie,
Portland, Oregon

(On the missile test see Alex Boese, "Electrified Sheep," p. 129) 
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